Sunday, April 1

Having Each Other's Back...


In case you missed this when I shared it on Dominique's Desk a couple of week's ago, I wanted to include this in my regular Faith Filled Marriage series.

I recently watched an episode of Up All Night, where Christina Applegate's character Reagan goes on a mean-spree through the airport in her stress of traveling with an infant, all the while her husband Chris, played by Will Arnett, follows behind her apologizing for her and trying to play it cool.

Source
At one point, Reagan just looks at her husband Chris, and asks him, "Why can't you just have my back?" It is a really great episode, and any parent who has travelled with small children will find it hilariously accurate and entertaining.

So, the other morning I woke up and went about my normal morning routine: make coffee, get breakfast going, pack a lunch, attempt to keep my daughter from getting into everything at the same time.  My husband had just come out of our bedroom, dressed quite handsomely for work, and my daughter was waving around the Swiffer sweeper like a dangerous baton.

As I'm busy trying to get his lunch together, behind me I hear a frustrated snap at my daughter and instantly, without much hesitation, mama bear rises up in me.  "Don't yell at her.  What did she do?"  I put my husband on the defensive, my daughter is upset.  She had smacked his clean pants with the dirty sweeper.  The morning ends with this statement, "Why can't you just let me be a parent, too?"

Ouch.  As the hubs left for work, without our usual loving good-bye, I felt the sting of truth.  I was instantly reminded of the episode I had just watched.  Why couldn't I have just had my husband's back?

My husband is an awesome father, one who loves his daughter so incredibly much.  And it is clear in everything he does that this is the case.  I have no reason to deny him my support when he does what he is supposed to do as a parent: discipline, correct, etc.  If I want to him to flourish in his role as a father, I have to give him my backing and support.


My encouragement to you today is: to stand by each other; have each other's backs.  As parents, we have such a difficult job, one that has its own unique challenges for both mothers and fathers.  We need each other to make it work well.  It doesn't stop at parenting either.  It is important in maintaining a strong marriage as well.

When you don't feel supported in something that is important to you, especially by the person who is closest to you, it can be a huge discouragement. Feeling unsupported is an issue that can fester, and you don’t want to find yourself seeking out experienced counselors when it’s an issue you and your partner could have taken charge of on your own.

I don't know what I'd do if my husband didn't support my passion to write, or my desire to lose weight.  It is his constant support and affirmation that spurs me on and gives me that extra "push" to not give up when things are tough.

As I reflect on that morning, I realize that I need to show my husband that I do have his back, and that I support him as a father.  Lesson learned.

How do you show your spouse that you have their back?  In what ways does your spouse show you?

14 comments:

  1. I need to work on showing my hubby more love! :) New fan from www.thecraftyreporter.blogspot.com! Love your stuff!

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  2. Courtney, I can so relate with this!  When my oldest daughter was 3, she had terrible tantrums and night tremors.  To the point of hitting anyone in her path, throwing toys, etc... she was just so overwhelmed in her emotion that she'd get completely out of control.  It was frightening to her but also scary for my husband and I as her parents, and extremely frustrating too.  To add to the emotion, I was pregnant with my youngest daughter at the time so my hormones were ramped up.  When my daughter would go into one of her out of control fits, I would try to deal with it patiently but would easily snap and become a child myself.  I'd then stomp off and "tag" my husband's hand for him to take over the parenting because I just couldn't deal with her.  So in his Papa Bear voice, he'd step in and yell at her to try to get her attention or get her to snap out of her fit.  When that didn't even come close to phasing her, he'd threaten to spank her.  At that point, I'd get all Mama Bear and start yelling at HIM.  He's a great father and loves our girls very much.  He's actually quite patient too.  But his method of trying to gain control of a situation like a tantrum is to overpower them with a loud voice and fear.  It's his daddy thing.  He'd never hurt them.  Ultimately we learned the best way to deal with her meltdowns was through distraction and holding her in our arms tightly until she wore herself out from all the thrashing about.  Thankfully, she's outgrown these fits of rage.  But I often had to remind myself that my husband is perfectly capable of parenting our daughters and I'm not necessarily the boss.  Lol!  :)  

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  3. Thanks lady! I just followed your blog via bloglovin! Glad to have you here! XO

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  4. Thanks for sharing your experience Rosann, I really appreciate the support and knowing I'm not the only one who has experienced this. I'm still working on it daily…sometimes minute by minute, but I know that I have to let my husby be the father he is supposed to be! :)

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  5. championm2000April 01, 2012

    Oh, this hits close to home here, too. While we try to have each other's back's when it comes to parenting, I often find this is the one area of our life where we find ourselves bumping into each other the most (maybe because it's our biggest, most all-consuming job??). Will keep these words in mind as we parent on...thanks!

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  6. Stephanie McGrewApril 01, 2012

    Stumbled onto your blog via the blog hop and just wanted to show you some blog luv! def enjoyed this post!! new follower :)

    http://infinitelifefitness.com
    http://mscomposure.blogspot.com

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  7. It makes sense that our most consuming task would be a place where friction could appear! Great point!

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  8. Thanks Stephanie for visiting! :)

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  9. Every Mom can relate to this! Such a great post, Courtney. I thrive on a schedule and a routine, and frankly since I'm a SAHM, "my way." However, this is not fair to my husband and we've SO been in the same place you guys were in this post. He gets so deflated when I "undo" his discipline or parenting style and I've gotta stop doing that! I don't know why it's so difficult for me, especially when my husband is such an amazing father. Great post to get a little perspective :)

    ---love my button!! so excited, thank you :)

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  10. What a beautiful post and an amazing family. Dropping some blog love for writing such a cute post.. Your daughter is a adorable doll..:)

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  11. Thanks Devon! Glad you could relate and so happy to have your button ;)

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  12. Thank you so much for visiting and your lovely comments. ;) XO

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  13. Beautiful, very necessary post.  I think we are all guilty of this at some point.  I had my moment yesterday:  My DH actually told our DD to sit down and SHUT UP.  I just lost it.  not either of our best moments.  I know how frustrating it is and how the worst things can pop out.  I just did a letter to my daughter as my post yesterday that touches on this.  Fairly new follower from Bloglovin.  Check my blog out if you get a chance:

    A Joyful Life
    http://ajoy-fullife.blogspot.com

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  14. Thank you so much for your sweet comments Joy! I so appreciate knowing that I am not alone in this struggle and that it is pretty common. I'm going to check you out now! Thanks for the follow!

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Thank you so much for your lovely comments! I don't always have time to respond to each one, but I do read them! XO