Tuesday, October 16

How Real is Too Real for Blogging?

One of my favorite lovelies that I met through blogging started a new link up recently and I decided today was the day to take the plunge and join her.

Change can be a scary thing - even when it is desperately needed.  It takes a lot of energy to make positive lasting changes.  It takes a lot of courage to admit that you are unsatisfied with where you've ended up in life.  And don't forget the humility that is needed when you have to face the music that your own choices have led you to where you are (most of the time).

After just over a year of blogging, I have been stretched in ways I never imagined I would be.  In typical progressive fashion I've moved from being a newbie "Hello World, it's me Courtney" blogger to a overzealous socialite - "linky party every day please!" - to a "please follow me (you could win this special prize)" blogger, and then finally to the awkward - holy cow batman I'm in burnout mode and my family is ready to give me a blogging ultimatum, just to eventually end up here in this place.

What is this place?  The place where I am ready to change it up in a dramatic, terrifying and bold way!  The change I'm ready to make in my life is being really real - I mean not the kind of real that says "hey I was fake before" but the kind that says you know, "I have a purpose in this community for something and I'm going to walk into that purpose regardless of the followers I'll have six months from now" - because it is authentically my voice, and I've found it.

I have a story to tell and I'm going to start telling it.  Originally I thought it would be too difficult - too dark for me to share my story on this blog - because I long desperately to share nothing but happiness - like a Hollywood ending I want to re-write my story so that it is all sunshine and roses.  But this isn't Hollywood,  this is the place I have been given to share my testimony boldly - because someone out there needs to hear my story.  Because someone out there shares my story - and they need to know they are not alone.

I was recently inspired by the tweets happening about the Influence conference.  The thing that was really amazing is that, as much as I longed to have been there, I felt God's stirring in my heart the whole time the conference was going on, pushing me to start using my voice for Him.  I heard Him urging me to be courageous and not afraid of sharing my journey with you.  And honestly, I can't think of anything more freeing than just opening up and beginning to tell you, without being so vague, what I've been through - and how God has been my strength despite very challenging circumstances.

Some of what I am going to share going forward is going to be extremely difficult for me to open up about, not just because of how it has effected my life, but because I have protected the people who have hurt me by a very detrimental form of denial - a denial that has been broken down completely over the last couple of years, in a process that has shaken me to my very core.  I will always always speak with humility, love and compassion for those who have hurt me - but I will not deny the truth of the pain they have caused.  Nor will I deny the truth of the pain I have caused others in my own brokenness.

Don't think for one minute that my blog will all of the sudden be a dark and dreary place, because that wouldn't be accurate of my life either.  It will just be a more vulnerable place - one that shares the good as well as the bad - but hopefully never leaves you discouraged.  It will be a safe place to talk about pain and engage in meaningful community in regards to some of the darkness that plagues our world today, but it will still be a place of celebration of the things I love as well.

What is the change I want to see?  What is the life I want to live?  Who is the person I want to be?

I want to live immersed in the freedom and love of a flourishing relationship with God through Jesus Christ, and no longer frozen in the pain of my past.  I want my life to be abounding in supernatural grace and love - to be a person who has joy in the midst of sorrow, who can stand firm on the rock and not be beaten and battered by the storms of life.  I want more of Him and less of me.

I want to laugh and smile and dance again - releasing the weight of my worries and heartaches to the one who has already come to set me free.  I want to encourage others who have experienced painful childhood wounds by walking through the healing process openly.





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27 comments:

  1. angela kingOctober 16, 2012

    i'm so happy that your finally speaking your true voice. your inspiring.

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  2. Good for you, sweet girl!! Making yourself vulnerable at all is difficult... let alone in the blogging world. Just know that those of us that love, respect and look up to you will be here for every step of this journey with you! I'm proud of you and can't wait to see how Jesus uses you and your story to change the hearts of so many people. Huge hugs and lots of love!! xo

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  3. Thank you! And I hope that I can inspire others to do the same!!

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  4. Absolute MommyOctober 16, 2012

    Do it. There is nothing more freeing than writing your story. And you will find that while everyone's story differs slightly, you are not alone. I'm excited and honored to follow you on this adventure.
    Xoxo
    Megan

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  5. Thank you Megan! You have been one of my inspirations in blogging - for boldly sharing your life! I am grateful for your support! <3

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  6. Let it all out! I love reading where we all have come from!! I can't wait to read about your journey!

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  7. Hi! I am a new follower and I am so looking forward to how God will use you through your blog to minister to others. This is a wonderful platform to share with others and I pray that people will receive deliverance and breakthroughs by reading your stories.

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  8. I am with you girl! By your side all the way. I'm going, rather have been going throuh a BIG change for the last few years and can't explain why or what it is until it is over for fear of it comming back around and biting me in the butt....leagally. They're have been so many things that I've wanted advice on or just to bounce off people and my hands are tied. A few of my followers know because we email each other back and forth. But I don't feel safe actually putting anything in my posts. I try to push it to the back but it always manages to come to the front. And heaven forbid if I pour my feelings out or share doubts or fears someone who doen't need to know them will probaly be the first to read it. I have to keep this brave face and can't faulter. I wish I could jump on the changing band wagon, but what I want to change is to be happy...thats it, just be happy. So I look forward to the day when I can do the changing thin, of course, you'll all probably ne done by then.All I want is this thing to be done so I can be happy. Fingers crossed by the midddle of next year I will be able to fill everyone in. In the mean time, I'm behind you 100%. Life is too short not to be able to control is somewhat.
    Good luck!
    *hugs*deb

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  9. Jennifer NaceOctober 16, 2012

    I look forward to reading your story. You will find comfort in letting those words go :)

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  10. la petite luluOctober 16, 2012

    Being so honest is not an easy thing, especially online - good on you for putting yourself out there!

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  11. I think this is such a great thing. I am constantly reminding myself that I started my blog for me, for a place for me to write about what happens in my life. Use this blog for you and to heal yourself. We're all here to support you :)

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  12. Kristin FleckOctober 16, 2012

    I am SO SO SO proud of you. You are brave and bold and amazing <3

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  13. Good for you! We all have a story as to how we got here and sharing it,like you said, will help others that share a similar story. So happy for you that you have found this courage.. xxx

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  14. Such a lovely post and I'm glad to embark upon your journey with you. I hope you find inner peace through this path. I look forward to seeing what lies ahead for you! It is so good to recognize your blogging burn out and then make a plan to better it and your life.

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  15. the whole point of blogging is to express yourself, right? you're part of a wonderful community that love and supports you :)

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  16. Thanks Ang. <3 Knowing I've got the support of so many wonderful ladies like yourself really helps in this process!

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  17. Thanks for the encouragement Shauna that means so much to me!

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  18. I miss you Paige! Lets twitter chat!

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  19. Thank you so much Meghan! The outpouring of support means more than I can put into words! <3

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  20. Oh Deb! That sounds so hard! Life can sure serve up some challenges at times - I look forward to the day when you are free of this current situation and can share openly and also experience the happiness you desire and deserve! Sending you hugs! Thank you so much for your very kind words and understanding! XO

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  21. Thank you so much for following Stephanie! It means so much to me for you to respond with such an encouraging comment. Thank you for your prayers! XO

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Thank you so much for your lovely comments! I don't always have time to respond to each one, but I do read them! XO