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Wednesday, October 9

Innocent Beauty

Dress & Headband by Rogue Baby Boutique
When I look at my daughter I see the beauty of her innocence.  In so many ways she is so much freer now than she will be years from now.  Right now her worries are few, her troubles mostly unimportant. She lives fully in the present with very little grasp on the reality of darkness in our world.

Months after I left my full-time hospital administration job to be a stay-at-home mom, I remember running into an old co-worker, who told me how alive I looked compared to when I was there on the job.  I worked in a very high stress role, where I often had internal battles based on my passion for justice and the money-hungry reality of doing hospital business.  At that time my job was sucking the life right out of me.  I was in the office and commuting anywhere from 12-14 hours a day.  I wasn't sleeping well, rarely taking time to eat and exercise right, and I was in a rut.

It wasn't pregnancy that made me leave my job the first time, it was actually a call to action from God.  A movement within me that led me on that day to give my two weeks notice and pack up determined to leave New York city.  That is a story for another day though.  I ended up back in that environment, although this time I took a different approach.  It didn't take very long for me to start feeling drained once again.

I've always known that the corporate environment is not the best place for me.  When my husband blessed me with the opportunity to come home full time, I almost felt entitled to it.  And now, as I look back over these last three years that I've been privileged to be home, I see the beauty in it all.  I've grown so much as a woman, as a human, as a wife and as a mom.  

When I look at my daughter, and recognize that I get to be a part of protecting her innocence for as long as possible, I feel honored.  When I see that my life and the struggles I've been through, and my determination to overcome the residual effect of those experiences, have given Zion the freedom to enjoy her childhood without worries, part of my innocence is reclaimed.

1 comment:

  1. Claire@ALittleClaireificationOctober 14, 2013

    Such a heartfelt post, Courtney and so glad you have the opportunity to stay at home with your beautiful little girl!! xo


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