Deep Breath In, Deep Breath Out

What a day I've just had!  Seriously, today was full of challenges, crazy temptations, and emotions.  Before I plunge you into the madness, let me just say that, I have really changed.  Not like, "Oh you hit your 30's"maturity boom, but more, "Wow, God is really changing me from the inside out" kind of change.

I've always been sort of a "hard" person - extremely tough on the outside, stoic, unshakable even.  Not. Any. More.  Lately, I have been repeatedly blindsided by my emotions, the outward display of them as well as the intensity.  I'm not on any hormones.  I am not a wimp.  I am just easily moved to deep feelings over things that I used to appear numb to.

Don't get me wrong...this post is not a complaint at all, more of a revelation or an "ah-ha."  I used to think that my inability to display emotion was a permanent part of my personality, but I've come to realize, over a lot of grueling soul searching over the last decade, that it was actually a self-defense measure I acquired in childhood.  I am realizing how it made me seem phony, and callus to many people who I genuinely care about and longed to connect with.  I fear I may have even lost out on friendships because people took my lack of emotion as indifference or contempt.  Brutal introspect aside, and as uncomfortable as my newly flowing emotions are making me, there is so much joy in knowing that the huge wall that kept me so reserved, is now down.  I feel, ALIVE!

I am vulnerable and it feels great.  There, I said it.  So, about today, already...

Mommy's Little Helper, Daddy's Little Princess

Zion is growing and changing with each passing day.  We are incredibly blessed to have such a beautiful, charming and spirited little girl.  We can't help but look at her now with pure delight, even as she begins to explore her independence and test her limits.

I have found that where she used to love to follow simple commands, and as a result receive lavish praise from Jerry and I, she now gives me a little smirk as if she's saying, "What if I don't?"  In order to combat this, I have noticed that I now need to make every simple task a fun and exciting one.  This is actually pretty easy...I just ask her if she will be Mommy's Big Helper, to which she enthusiastically nods her head.  Granted, it does take sometimes 3-4 times as long to do the simple things, it prevents a melt down and keeps her busy, while making her feel proud and purposeful.

Zion has always loved being a girly girl.  From the very beginning she has loved it when I have gotten her dressed in "Prih-tee" clothes or have spent time doing her hair.  She loves to gather all of the materials from my bedroom - her hair pretties, brush, spray bottle and comb.   She plops down on my lap and away I go doing her hair.  The minute I finish, she pops up quickly and toddles over to the full length mirror to admonish herself.

To see her big smile as she looks at herself and loves what she sees, is adorable.  She appears to be getting close to the age where twirling and showing Daddy her "Prih-tee" dress or "Prih-tee" hair is a part of the day to day ritual.  We sure love our little princess, who's personality is certainly blossoming before our very eyes.