{Today}I Live

When I was a little girl, I was often full of anxiety due to the constant turmoil of a home plagued with alcoholism, domestic violence and neglect.  Both of my parents were extremely young, self absorbed and ill-equipped to raise the three little girls they had been entrusted to them.  One of my earliest memories in childhood marked a turning point in my life and has shaped me in ways that I could never fully describe.

Miracle by Adam Jackson

One particular evening, I was struggling with thoughts of death and the question of being alone forever after death…I remember being very afraid.  Perhaps I felt some degree of impending doom, and it followed me into my dreams that evening.  I dreamt that I was crying out in the darkness, separated from all that I knew and loved, when this giant hand reached down to me.  I knew immediately in my heart that this was God, coming to my rescue, comforting me.  I hugged the hand as tight as I could and was drawn up out of the darkness.  Then I woke up.


I was not raised in a Christian home, nor was I involved in church, or even talk of God.  From the moment I awoke, a deeply rooted faith in God had taken hold in my heart.  I believed, without a single doubt, that God was (and is) real, cares deeply for me and will not leave me alone in darkness.  I woke up with a new hope and foundation for living my life.  I have carried that faith and dream with me since that moment.

The Room by Jesse Therrien

I wish that I could say that from that defining moment life got better for me or easier, but it didn't.  Life was never promised to be easy or struggle free.  I grew up battling severe depression throughout most of my childhood, building to an inescapable climax during my teenage years.  When I was 16 years old I felt especially crippled under the weight of my emotions, and the deep wounds I'd collected as a child.  I was melancholic, sad, angry but despite my emotions I lashed out in unpredicted ways.  I strove for perfection in everything I did, and tormented myself endlessly whenever I fell short.

I reached a point of darkness where I believed it would have been better if I had never been born.  I frequently struggled with images in my mind of my life ending.  I didn't want death, I wanted release…I just wanted a mind free of pain and anguish.  One evening, while my family went about their normal activities I collected all the medicine from my mother's medicine cabinet.  Trembling, I swallowed the pills.  I wept quietly as I felt my pain washing me over like tidal waves, and mourned the life that I hoped would soon leave me.  

After swallowing the pills, I laid in my bed and prayed to God to forgive me, and I cried out for Him to save me.  As quickly as I had given my life away I wanted it back.  I begged and pleaded with Him to not take my life, but to give me a second chance.  I poured out my heart before Him and the weight of the load I was carrying was laid before His feet.  I cried until I drifted to sleep, unsure if I'd taken my last breaths.  Miraculously I awoke.  Never had I been so grateful to have air in my lungs.

Cloud Break by Cheryl Empey

I survived to make a promise to God that I would never devalue my life again.  Instead of drowning in the despair I felt, I would resolve to rise above all that I had been through.  I made a choice that I would never give up, and I would fight every obstacle that stood in my way to being wholly healed from the pain of my childhood.  I wouldn't end up another statistic of a broken home.  I would be the curse breaker and I would go on to live a "normal" existence.  Mostly, I just wanted to do more than survive.

I live today as a different person.  While I can't say that I am completely healed of the pain of my past, each day is a little bit better than the last.  Each day that God gives me the power to breath, is a day where I am actively pursuing wholeness in my life.  I have been blessed with a beautiful life.  I have a remarkable man by my side to hold me when I need to be reassured that life is indeed good, a spirited daughter to fill my heart with songs of joy and laughter and a God who, as promised, has never left me alone in my darkness.

{TacoWraps}

Don't these look delicious?  Head over to Girl Meets World for the recipe!!

{SunBerry}Spa Water

Continue reading at Through the Eyes of the Mrs.

{Outside the Box}

I am by no means a crafty lady, but occasionally I do like to try things that stretch me outside my comfort zone.  I've really enjoyed seeing gallery wall ideas on Pinterest, and other people's blogs, as well as in homes of some friends in my neighborhood.  So I finally decided to pull out my craft supplies and attempt one myself…see how I did it, today on Imprintalish!

{Priorities}

by Kristin Smith

Finding balance in my life 

has always been a

challenge.
Continue reading at Our Reflection...

{Feautured Lovely+GIVEAWAY!}MeetAmy of Up Mommy Creek

I am a 30 year old mom.

I was a goody-two-shoes growing up. 

I loved school (yes...I was one of THOSE kids), 

I went straight from highschool to university and started a pretty decent job right after graduation. 

However, 

2 years in I felt like I was missing something in my life, 

and decided to leave it all behind

and travel to Thailand. 

A couple of years, 

a few countries and many miles later, 

I finally found myself, 

and also found the love of my life. 

We decided to head on back to the Great White North (I am a Canadian) and settle down. 

Now, 

I pretty much spend my days chasing after my little man, 

trying to keep Kitty from destroying the house, 

and when I get a spare second I try to squeeze in some yoga or 

cuddle up on the couch with a good book.

Our little family consists of me, my husband, 

my 9 month old son Finnley 

and our dumb (but very pretty!) cat Kitty. 

My husband and I met while travelling in Thailand, and

we knew pretty quick we were soul-mates 

(as cliche as that is!). 

It took us a couple of years to figure out we couldn't fight fate, and so we married, got a cat and eventually were lucky enough to be able to add to our family with a bouncing baby boy! 

My family is silly, funny, loving 

and I think we're perfect 

(but I may be a bit biased...)

Once I found out I was pregnant, 

and after the excitement wore off, 

I started to realize that I really had no idea what I was doing. 

So, I started 

Up Mommy Creek 

as a way to express my sheer and utter bafflement with the whole experience of pregnancy. 

Since we've progressed now into the land of parenting,

it's really no different. 

I am still clueless and just fly by the seat of my pants usually. 

Parenting is hard work and it's been quite an adventure to figure it all out. 

So on my blog you will usually find a story about something strange 

or ridiculous that recently happened, 

or a recipe that I love, 

or some of my attempts at photographing my son. 

It's pretty much an eclectic mix of all things me (and some things Finnley…)!

Courtney here:

Amy won my featured ad space giveaway last month!  

I've enjoyed getting to know her family and son through her blog.

You can also find her on Twitter, Facebook & Pinterest!

Make sure you give her a visit and say hey!  

But wait…

before you go, 

Amy has generously offered up 

a $15 Starbucks Giftcard 

to one of you lovelies!

Enter via Rafflecopter below (click here if you don't see the widget):

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Tending Your Marriage

I am not a gardener.

But, last Spring I decided throw a few seeds in a few pots, 

almost like a science experiment.

I hoped that perhaps some of them would grow.

Continue reading at The Fontenot Four blog…

Mothering a Daughter: What I Am Looking Forward To

When my dear friend Kristina asked me to write a guest post for her lovely blog, I was totally honored.  And when she asked me to write it about what I most look forward to as the mother of a daughter, I was delighted.  I hadn't actually taken the time or energy to really consider all that I am looking forward to, until now.  And honestly, writing this now as we've hit some rough patches lately, is the best thing I could have done.

It is such a privilege and a responsibility to raise a daughter.  I have always wanted to be a mom, and I can't tell you how happy I am that I had a daughter first.  She has opened my heart in ways I never imagined possible.  There are so many things I want for her to experience and enjoy in her life.

Head on over to From City Corporate to Suburb Mama to continue reading...

Leaving Winter Behind & Embracing Spring

I wanted to share this post with you here in case you missed it when I shared it on Imprintalish!  

As Winter comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on what I've learned in the season.  How has being limited by the weather and the elements shaped my use of time in this closing season?  What does Winter signify in life seasons?  Many things happen in the Winter months: holidays, the coming of a new year, cold, darkness, even the death and retreat of much that lives.  

With each season we are given the opportunity to reflect, reinvent and refresh according to our willingness to embrace each cycle of life.  Winter is a season of allowing what is dead to be covered over, and what is still living to be preserved in cold, quiet darkness.  Winter allows what we didn't like about our lives in the former year to be buried and forgotten.   Winter allows us to rest and reflect, to slow down and contemplate, to create warmth and light from within.

Just when we arrive to the point where we have had it with forced reflection, the coldness, the limitations of snow, ice and bone-chilling wind...signs of change emerge all around us.  The long nights begin to shorten, the sun shines more frequently and the birds begin to chirp outside our windows.  

In our hearts we ponder the next season of our lives and begin to implement the changes we've considered in our hibernation.  Some of us emerge from our Winter's rest roaring like a bear, ready to tackle the most grandiose of plans, others of us remain more reserved…cautiously surveying the climate and waiting for our chance to embark on new adventures.

In time, no matter how big or small our steps forward, we begin to see the hopes we've stored up begin to bloom.  As the buds return to the tree branches signaling the return of the leaves, so do we begin to take notice of the small beginnings of new directions in our lives.

Perhaps we've shed a few pounds and our clothes are fitting looser, or our readership has increased, or maybe our marital intimacy has begun to flourish from all those warmth-seeking Winter cuddles.  Maybe we've noticed our little ones as they've grown so quickly before our eyes, perhaps experiencing their own wonder at their very first Winter.

We find ourselves in a new place of hopefulness, getting out more frequently just to experience what had been hidden by the cold…new fresh life, new possibilities.

The last signs of Winter begin to be washed away as the cleansing rains of Spring fill the air.  Galoshes, umbrellas and wind-breaker jackets make their way to the front of our closets.  We begin to purge ourselves of all that held us back in the year before…devoting hours to cleaning, rearranging, reorganizing, and regrouping.   In the same way our minds and hearts are purged of past regrets and old patterns, creating space for new paths to be explored.

At last, we arrive in a place filled with beauty, serenity and calm.  We accept where we are, and look forward as greater things are now just on the horizon.  We press onward, making our plans for the year and feeling free to indulge in the bright shining sun.

Spring has come.  The season of rebirth captivates us by its elegant charm.  Flowers pop up beneath the remnants of leaves shed in the Fall.  Leaves open wide like outstretched hands.  Children once again fill the parks with laughter.   We walk lighter on our feet, have a new song in our hearts and smile at strangers as if to agree that Winter is gone at last.

Without being too hasty or unappreciative of all the wonders of Spring, a new thought arrives in our minds: Summer is now just a season away.

Photographs are not mine, however; I received full permission to use them from their owners!

Having Each Other's Back...

In case you missed this when I shared it on Dominique's Desk a couple of week's ago, I wanted to include this in my regular Faith Filled Marriage series.

I recently watched an episode of Up All Night, where Christina Applegate's character Reagan goes on a mean-spree through the airport in her stress of traveling with an infant, all the while her husband Chris, played by Will Arnett, follows behind her apologizing for her and trying to play it cool.

Source

At one point, Reagan just looks at her husband Chris, and asks him, "Why can't you just have my back?" It is a really great episode, and any parent who has travelled with small children will find it hilariously accurate and entertaining.

So, the other morning I woke up and went about my normal morning routine: make coffee, get breakfast going, pack a lunch, attempt to keep my daughter from getting into everything at the same time.  My husband had just come out of our bedroom, dressed quite handsomely for work, and my daughter was waving around the Swiffer sweeper like a dangerous baton.

As I'm busy trying to get his lunch together, behind me I hear a frustrated snap at my daughter and instantly, without much hesitation, mama bear rises up in me.  "Don't yell at her.  What did she do?"  I put my husband on the defensive, my daughter is upset.  She had smacked his clean pants with the dirty sweeper.  The morning ends with this statement, "Why can't you just let me be a parent, too?"

Ouch.  As the hubs left for work, without our usual loving good-bye, I felt the sting of truth.  I was instantly reminded of the episode I had just watched.  Why couldn't I have just had my husband's back?

My husband is an awesome father, one who loves his daughter so incredibly much.  And it is clear in everything he does that this is the case.  I have no reason to deny him my support when he does what he is supposed to do as a parent: discipline, correct, etc.  If I want to him to flourish in his role as a father, I have to give him my backing and support.

My encouragement to you today is: to stand by each other; have each other's backs.  As parents, we have such a difficult job, one that has its own unique challenges for both mothers and fathers.  We need each other to make it work well.  It doesn't stop at parenting either.  It is important in maintaining a strong marriage as well.

When you don't feel supported in something that is important to you, especially by the person who is closest to you, it can be a huge discouragement. Feeling unsupported is an issue that can fester, and you don’t want to find yourself seeking out experienced counselors when it’s an issue you and your partner could have taken charge of on your own.

I don't know what I'd do if my husband didn't support my passion to write, or my desire to lose weight.  It is his constant support and affirmation that spurs me on and gives me that extra "push" to not give up when things are tough.

As I reflect on that morning, I realize that I need to show my husband that I do have his back, and that I support him as a father.  Lesson learned.

How do you show your spouse that you have their back?  In what ways does your spouse show you?

Solitude

I originally shared this post on MameMusings! But today, I'm feeling the need to remind myself...

Solitude.

Why is does it seem so elusive for us mothers?

Perhaps, we make it more complicated than it has to be.

What exactly does solitude require of us?

Aloneness.

via

Impossible.

My first reaction to the possibility of finding time alone.

[Insert list of reasons why here.]

Critical.

What can we possibly give if we are not taking the time to be refreshed?

via

Possibility.

How can I give myself ten minutes of quiet each day?

If I start with five minutes is that okay?

Release.

I will not feel guilty for taking this time out for me.

Reflection.

My mind is finally free to be me.

Oh hello lovely thoughts, restful sighs and tensions eased.

Retreat.

Is this vacation for my soul?

Believe.

A content, rested mother (&wife) is one highly praised.

Today, take those five minutes…or even ten.

Set down your burdens.

Embrace.

Solitude.

I previously shared this post on MameMusings, but had to share this here as a reminder to take time out for quiet reflection.  

Guest Feature: Toothbrush Painting with Kids

Hey lovelies! I'd like to introduce you to a lovely and creative mama that I met through VoiceBoks, Dominique!  Today she is sharing a fantastic and fun activity to get you through those rainy Spring days when you can't get the little ones outside to play.  Enjoy!




Being cooped up in the house with the kids due to the rain need not be a bad thing. There are many different activities which one can do with the little ones to occupy them.

Spray painting is what I have been recently doing with my kids. All of us find it fun to do together on a rainy afternoon. Here are the items that are needed.

• Old tooth brushes
• Paints
• Cut outs/stencils. ( We used bread cutters as I have many around the house)
• Drawing paper
• Tape ( To hold the cut outs/stencils or drawing paper in position)

I made the kids wear aprons as it can be quite messy and also placed paper at the bottom around their table to prevent the paints from ending up on the floor during the spraying sessions.
 There are a few ways to do spray painting.
 1. Coat the brush with paint then make your child brush through a wire mash or kitchen strainer. This is good for younger kids who are not able to control the brush properly. The effect will be similar to the finished product shown in the first picture above.
 2. Let the kid try flicking the brush above the drawing paper to get the "spray" effect. Do note that the paint would have to be slightly wetter then usual to be able to flick the brush around. 3. Use your finger to spray the paint around. This is what I did with my 5 yr old and he really enjoyed it. It didn't bother him that his hands ended up multicoloured at the end of the activity.

Are you tempted to try out this activity at home with your kids?

Dominique Goh, Singaporean elementary school teacher, freelance writer and mom of three who is passionate about parenting and educating kids. In her free time you can see her dabbling in photography, cooking and cake decorating and blogging at Dominique’s Desk.

Home Management Made Simple! Featuring the Lovely {Imprintalish}

Hello again Baxtron{Life} readers!!! I'm pretty excited to be back today and sharing with you something that has made me a new woman! You see, the winter blues hit me hard in February and I have been slowly trying to motivate myself back to where I used to be. The beautiful weather we've been having these last few weeks was a tremendous help, but the main thing that has been keeping me on my toes is my new Home Management Binder that I put together. It has been a lifesaver, I'm not sure how I got anything done without it! Well, maybe that's the point...I didn't!

Meet my Home Management Binder!!!

I started with this beautiful textured turquoise binder (it came with the colorful tabs too!) from the Martha Stewart line, ya I splurged, and buying pretty things always makes me feel better! LOL! I also stocked up on some paper, ink for my printer, some clear page covers and a couple clear pocket dividers too...

...and a 3-hole punch! I can't believe I didn't own one of these-so fun!

The first tab is the most used. It's our go to calender with everything from a to-do list, to meal plans, to kids schedules. I saw this one over at A Bowl Full of Lemons and I find it works well for us right now, we don't really have crazy busy schedules....Once the kids get into school and activities though, I'm sure we'll need to upgrade to a bigger 'system', but right now this one is perfect!

The next tab is equally important to me! My Blogging To Do's!! I had a smaller notebook that I used to keep track of everything in, but as my blog grew, it just wasn't working for me anymore. Now, I can see everything at once, my main calender is on the left, which is where I keep track of when my posts are scheduled. All of my Sponsors are listed at the bottom and I can check them off as I get their Ads. I originally got this idea from The Letter 4, but came up with my own take on it, as I needed a bigger calender and smaller Sponsor section. On the right  side of my binder is where I keep track of everything else...Guest Posts, Giveaways, Ideas…

Oh and, just in case you like them...I made them available so you can download them for FREE!!!! :D

Blog Calender:

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0BxF4se67_X0XcGZQVEZ5eklSUi1BdEpmc215R0F4dw

Blog To Do List:

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0BxF4se67_X0XeHVMdjBwOU9TWnUtMFRPWloxQUdNUQ

The next tab is where I keep track of all the daily cleaning that needs to be done and groceries that are needed. I love these lists that came from Simple Mom and what's really cool is that I covered each page with a clear page cover and now I use it as a dry erase board. So I can check off what I need and then wipe it away!!

The grocery one is here and the cleaning list is here.

And the last tab is where I inserted this handy dandy clear pocket system-for Coupons!!! I labeled a section for Kids, Grocery/Household and Beauty. This may be a little small for some of you Coupon Queens, but again, it's just perfect for me!

Well, that's it! That is how I stay on top of things and make sure my life runs as smoothly as it can with a husband and two very busy little boys! How do you keep organized? Do you have a special system for staying sane? I'd love to hear it...come on over to my blog, Imprintalish and say hi!

Leaving Winter Behind & Embracing Spring...

As Winter comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on what I've learned in the season.  

I'm sharing some of my reflections and thoughts over at ImprintAlish today, where I'm now a regular contributor (yay!).

Having Each Other's Backs...

I recently watched an episode of Up All Night, where Christina Applegate's character Reagan goes on a mean-spree through the airport in her stress of traveling with an infant, all the while her husband Chris, played by Will Arnett, follows behind her apologizing for her and trying to play it cool.

Source

At one point, Reagan just looks at her husband Chris, and asks him, "Why can't you just have my back?"

What I didn't expect is that, a couple days after watching this show, I was confronted with a similar sentiment from my husband.  Find out how it all went down over at Dominique's Desk, where I'm guest posting today!