3 Reasons Why..."I'm A Mom" Should Never Be An Excuse

When Motherhood happens, it happens with a vengeance.  We all know of, have heard of (or talk about) the infinite joys of becoming a parent, the unmatched love filling us from head to toe for our little ones and the daily struggles of being a mom, but what about the never-expiring cop-out card many of us cling to as a result of our new role?  

I'll admit to you now, I'm guilty of using the "I'm A Mom" excuse, even when its just that, an excuse.  If I'm being completely honest, sometimes the reason I don't attempt to style my hair or change out of sweatpants has less to do with the reality of the woefully exhausting daily grind of raising a little person and a whole lot more with my own choice to deprive myself the required 7-8 hours of shut-eye so I can catch one more episode of MasterChef in my Hulu queue.  

Of course, I can blame my need to stay up watching that one last episode on the challenges of that day and needing to "decompress" but really I'm just making an irresponsible decision for myself knowing I am one of the crankiest people alive when I'm running on less than 8 hours of sleep.  Before I offend anyone, let me shoot straight with you.  

At times, being a mom is one of the most demanding and difficult jobs on the face of the planet.  And at the same time it is one of the most rewarding, exciting and awesome jobs you'll ever have.  But at what point does it become okay to use your role as a mother as an excuse to neglect yourself, your relationships or even your hopes and dreams?  

1. A Happy, Healthy Mom makes a Happy, Healthy Family

Hey you! Yeah you - not mom, not wife/partner/etc. just you.  I'm talking to the person who existed before the other people in your life became your top priorities.  You need to take care of yourself.  You need to make it a priority to get sleep, get exercise and eat well.  You need time for yourself to relax and enjoy your own hobbies.  Someone slipped a big fat lie into your ear the minute you became a Mom and it went something like, "You must take care of everyone else before you take care of yourself."  But it is a lie - you just simply cannot continually and exceptionally take care of other people if you are letting yourself fall apart.  And if you struggle with the idea of being "selfish" for taking time for yourself - remember that your example of how you care for yourself is going to be widely observed by your offspring.  And they may even observe your burnout if you don't start taking steps now to change your habits.

Don't over complicate this step - and don't immediately use the cop out that as a Mom you are too busy.  Make these things a priority by involving your kids in your physical activity, cooking and meal prep and even nap when your kids nap if it means you getting the extra rest you need.  Sometimes other hobbies and television watching need to be shelved in order for you to take care of your true needs.  And yes, even cleaning can sometimes wait!!

2. Your Partner Deserves Your Best, Not Your Leftovers

I know that this is an area that I personally struggle in.  It doesn't matter if you are a working, work-at-home or stay-at-home mother - truth is you are working harder than many people, with longer hours, and very little breaks.  You are tired and sometimes beyond spent when you clock out in the evening.  It is easier to let yourself go or to put your most important relationships on the back burner when you feel constantly burdened by the workload.  Even so, your marriage, or relationship with your significant other is extremely important, not only for the sake of the family but also for your personal well being.  

Don't use the trenches of motherhood as an excuse to neglect your relationship with your best friend and partner in life.  I have three suggestions to counteract the tendency to only give your leftovers to the man in your life: first, minimize screen time, especially in the first hour that you guys reconnect after work each day.  Put phones down, greet each other with warmth and love (regardless of how your day was).  In addition to this, set time aside to talk with one another.  It is not enough to just slump down on the couch together and stare at a TV until bed time, you need to keep the lines of communication open.  

Secondly, get a weekly date night going.  Alternate responsibility for planning the dates so that you both keep the "surprise" and thrill of when you first got together.  Have one person plan the date, the other make babysitting arrangements, then switch it up from week to week.  Better yet, get a regular date night sitter - or swap with another couple and give them the gift of a weekly date night as well.  Having a regular night away from home to kindle the romance is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship.

Lastly, make the effort to look your best, whatever that may be.  This ties into taking care of yourself, but goes as far as doing your hair, wearing clothes (besides yoga pants) and maybe applying a bit of makeup.  Not only will this help your husband to stay attracted to you, it will also surprisingly make you feel a lot better about yourself.  When you look good, you tend to feel better about yourself, have more energy and get more accomplished.

3. Your Dreams Are Worth Fighting For.

When I was dating my husband, I came to realize that one of my deepest dreams was to be a wife and a mother, a dream that I was, at the time, afraid to entrust to God for His timing.  Fast forward just years later and I am married and a mother of a wonderfully spirited little girl.  Now that these dreams have come true, my heart still aspires to use the talents and abilities that God gifted me with for a purpose.  The trouble comes when those dreams get put on the shelf indefinitely, and the daily grind takes over.  

I believe we are dreamers for a reason.  I believe that each of us are given talents and abilities to inspire others, make the world a better place and leave a legacy for future generations.  It troubles me that so many women I've spoken to have almost completely lost sight of their passions and dreams, in the shuffle of responsibilities that motherhood and marriage bring.  Not only are these women missing out on a deeply fulfilling part of their life, but the world is missing their contribution.  I once heard a motivational speaker talk about the path to reaching one's dreams - for her it was writing a book.  She had never written a book before but rather than letting the overwhelming task of answering the question of "how" she decided to just learn the process as she wrote.  She is now a published author and an inspiration to many women looking for direction on how to take that first step.

There is definitely a purpose in your role as a mother and/or wife, one that takes up a huge amount of time and is worth every minute invested, but you also likely have other gifts, desires and passions that are worth pursuing.  Ask yourself what baby steps you can take this week to move in the direction of one of your life dreams!  Remember, dreams don't fade unless we let them.

Of course, there is no judgment whatsoever here.  If you are in one of those seasons of struggle where it seems that no matter what you do, you can barely keep your head above the water, know that this post is meant to encourage you to do what you can, not what you cannot.  Life is, after all a great balancing act - but motherhood was never meant to be an excuse for settling for less than you deserve.  So if you've been using it as that, my challenge to you is that you would start making a change today.

      

Open Rebellion Against G-d or Coincidence?

Let me just begin by saying this post may be a little too provocative for some of you.  I've been thinking about this for a while and I guess I'm just putting it out there for contemplative purposes.

Have you ever noticed or thought about the logos and symbols that are chosen for well known brands and movements and where they come from?  I think about this all the time.  Some of the most recognized brands have very interesting symbols attached to them, some that I would say mock our Creator in a very bad way.

Let's me show you what I mean and you can tell me what you think about it.

Lets start with arguably one of the most identifiable symbols on the planet, for none other than technology giant, Apple.  Why a picture of a fruit with a bite taken out of it?  Doesn't that seem a little bit odd?  I mean, clearly it doesn't stand for an apple farmer, and doesn't have anything to do with technology.

However; if you know the story of creation, you know that it was taking a bite of the forbidden fruit that led to the fallen dark world outside the garden that we live in.  Not sure what I mean?  Read the story of Adam & Eve's fall and the entrance of sin in the world in Genesis.  The most fascinating part of this choice of symbol is that it was eating the fruit of the knowledge of Good & Evil that led to us knowing and then feeling like gods.  It was the power of knowledge that led us away from G-d and his divine plan for our lives.  Of course, thankfully G-d had a plan to redeem us despite our fall, but I find it spectacularly rebellious for a giant company to use the "bitten fruit" symbol as their logo.  What are they trying to say?  

Are they insinuating that knowledge and the power of technology to bring forth that knowledge negates the need for G-d?  As a Christian, and an enthusiast of Apple's technology, I find myself in a bit of a snafu when it comes to walking around with such a blatant symbol of rebellion.  On the other hand, maybe the symbol serves as a warning?  Maybe Apple is actually saying, hey - remember, the forbidden fruit led to the fall, so use this technology (knowledge and power) wisely?  

Okay, lets talk about another interesting logo.  I'm sure all of you reading this will know who this lady in green belongs to, right?  Yep, Starbucks.  Now the interesting thing is that most people pass this off as a mermaid, right, because Seattle is on the water, so maybe its a reference to that.  But the reality is that it is a Siren.

No big deal, right?  Except for the fact that Sirens are especially notorious mythical creatures who would tempt their victims by their beauty and attraction but ultimately lead them to their death.  Hmmm.  Very interesting.  While yes, Sirens were typically found in ancient Greek & Roman mythology, they were also referred to in the Bible (before being changed to "jackals" etc.) as temptations that led to addictions and death.  The Bible warns extensively against this kind of seductress in Proverbs.  

Now, I will be the first to admit that I have a strong coffee love addiction, and I can't tell you how many times I have succumbed to the temptation of a Starbucks drink, even when it was hard on my budget or completely unnecessary!  Their drinks do have a strange appeal but often I feel cheated after spending a small fortune for a cup of espresso.  All the same, I keep going back...and back...and back again.  For me, Starbucks is a siren indeed.

Let's talk about the very interesting choice in logo for those with pride.  This is simply another deeper look at how a logo could be openly rebellious toward G-d.  Do you know the story of where the rainbow came from?  Noah's ark.  The flood that wiped out the Earth's inhabitants and allowed for man to start over again.  If you've never read it, you should read the story of Noah in Genesis.  The Rainbow was G-d's symbol of promise to never destroy mankind with a flood again.  

Basically, the Bible says that fallen angels were having sex with women, producing giants, and evil was in the hearts of all men.  Evil is, simply put, the willful desire to sin (or to go against G-d's way).  It is profound immorality.  It led to extreme chaos...and ultimately destruction.  Then came the flood.  And finally when the water stopped falling and began to recede, a rainbow was displayed across the sky - a promise that total destruction by an Earth-wide flood would not come again.

So back to the rainbow...very interesting choice for people who choose to live contradictory to the Bible.  It could be like saying, "You promised you wouldn't destroy humans with a flood again (in the Bible), and we want you to keep your word even though we are choosing to live in a way you deem immoral in your word (the Bible)."  Or maybe the rainbow simply signifies diversity.  I am not sure which is more interesting ... a modern comparison of our world to the world before the flood or the irony of the choice to use a rainbow to symbolize pride in homosexuality.  I'm not bashing on gay people here, this is just an objective observation.  

There are so many more interesting logos out there that are just as intriguing!!  It makes you wonder about why people choose certain symbols, names and logos to represent them- do they think about the possible hidden meanings of these things first?  I know this post is likely going to provoke some interesting conversation...so let's talk about it.  Is this something you've thought about before?  Does it matter?  Do you completely disagree with my observations here?

       

Silent Saturdays

Randomly, I started committing to taking a day off from social media, phone-hugging and blogging once a week.  I think it was when I started thinking about the time I was spending attached to some form of technology - and how the weekend was really my time to refresh, connect with my husband and daughter and spend some quality time with God.

Life is busy in the week, and there is often a tv on or an app being utilized to help achieve some goal - but all that stimulation and wiredness comes with a price.  I can always tell when I'm feeling like relationships are suffering.  Especially my relationship with the "Big Dadda."  So, I've committed personally to a silent Saturday.  Its time to unplug, and connect device-free.  

I pretty much leave my phone as far away from me as possible, don't check emails, no instagram or other social media, no blog stats, and no Bingo Bash (hehe) or other timegobbling app.  Just time to quiet my heart, listen to my Lord and my family, be present, and alive.

I'm loving it - I look forward to 5pm on Friday evenings (the time I start), so I can say, "No" to my own demands for working.  Want to join me?  Let me know by telling your world that you are going #SilentSaturday.  Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday! <3 (or maybe Sunday...hehe).

       

A Girl Needs Her Daddy

This little girl!  Not only has she completely stolen my heart from the day she made her debut, she pretty much captures the attention of admirers wherever she goes.  Here we are, already about to enter Spring time, and barreling our way toward her 3rd birthday.  While editing these pictures, I couldn't help but reflect on her life so far with us, the fun times we've had getting to know her personality and watch her grow, and even some of the rougher times.  I'm not going to sugar coat it, the last several months were brutally hard on her and I both.

Not only was I struggling with my personal issues and battles, but her Daddy was away, both things causing anxiety and stress in a very sensitive little girl.  I can't tell you how many times I heard the words, "I want Daddy" sometimes through very emotional tears, other times in defiance of my commands.  I felt what it feels like to have my sweet little child - very unintentionally but still painfully - reject me, for being the less than fun mess I was.  And sometimes, if I'm being honest, I deserved it.  I really struggled for a while being on my own as a parent.  I honestly have no clue how single moms, let alone single working mothers, cope with day to day life.  My hat is off to every single one of them.

I couldn't do it.  At least not successfully.  Both Zion and I longed for the return of our secure family unit, she longed for her daddy, and I longed for my husband.  Now that we have been reunited, and time is abundantly ours, we are experiencing an overwhelming joy of a family that is working together to be awesome.  I knew in my heart that our trip to Alaska was going to be the beginning of a new chapter.  We had been walking through the desert valley way too long, it was time for an oasis.  And God is so faithful to provide that refreshment through His favor and blessing, just when we think we can't make it through another day!

 In just over a week and a half, I have seen my daughter return to being a joyful, exuberant little drama queen, with her silly antics and non-stop giggles.  Our home-away-from-home is flourishing with love and harmony.  I don't mean to make it seem like a fantasy or anything, behind the scenes several important self-discoveries have been made, many late night discussions and lots of tears shed.  But though I won't share all of those details in this post, the result of these necessary struggles is two parents who have joined together to work on being better individuals and as a result of a better marriage, we are being better parents, and therefore our little lady feels secure and stable enough to thrive.

When I see these two together, it seriously explodes my heart with thanksgiving.  There are so many things I am grateful for in my husband, Zion's father, Jerry.   They have such a special relationship.  I don't even have to mention the physical resemblance.  They have a blast together, and he is always willing to participate in the silliest of Zion's imaginative play adventures.  This moment in the pool together was magical.  It was the first time he had ever seen her in the pool, something I was spoiled with during her swim lessons in the Fall.  I couldn't wait for him to see how she just wore a permanent ear-to-ear grin whenever she set foot in the pool, or how she would dip half her face in the water and then beam with pride because she was brave enough to do it.

 As I watch them play together and enjoy making up for lost time, I find myself fighting back mixed tears.  Tears of joy - I'm truly the happiest when I am with the two of them, and tears of sadness - realizing that longing in the wounded part of my heart to have had a daddy that was as amazing as Jerry is.  Though I am sure that little sting will always be a part of my reality, it won't be a part of hers, and that quickly dries up any sorrowful tears.  God has redeemed that part of my life - by providing an amazing father to my daughter.  I couldn't wish any better for her.  God has also been faithful to me by being a very present Father in my life - and for providing me with an adoptive father, whom I am incredibly blessed to have as well.

Thank you, Lord, for this amazing man you brought into my life, to be my husband.  And for the daughter you have blessed us with.  Thank you so much, Jerry, for being an amazing daddy to our daughter - the best a little girl could have.  And for being my best friend and husband - you hold infinite stock in my heart, and I am a blessed woman to have you!