Faith Filled Marriage: The ♥ Grows Fonder

I don't know how military wives do it.  I don't know how single mothers do it.  I don't know how widows do it.  This last week has me reflecting on what it is like to be apart from the husband for more than a day or two.  Jerry just got home from a week away in Atlanta!  He started a new job in the beginning of the year that may send him on other out-of-town engagements in the future.  I've never really been away from him for more than a handful of days at a time in the last 4+ years we've been together.  
So the question is:  Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?
A few things surprised me about this one week business trip to Atlanta:
1.  I cried, almost sobbed, in the minutes leading up to his departure from our home to the airport.  I am not a very overly emotional person, so I was completely blindsided by my feelings.  I believe it was 75% the realization that him being gone meant very little day-to-day companionship, and no warm body laying next to me at night {plus} 25% fear and panic about being all by myself for a week with our daughter,  and the idea that you just never know, something could happen.  Then I gave myself permission to be sad, this is my husband.  And yes, it was only a week, but we are much closer than I realize, perhaps I've taken that for granted.
2.  I anticipated and planned for a "bad week" of parenting.  I just couldn't imagine making it through the week all by myself, without severe battles that usually resulted in me raising my voice, more than I'd like to admit.  But, I was surprised, again.  I was able to have fantastic days with Zion, keep up with the housework, keep up with the blog, have a few visits with friends and even workout.  It is amazing that God used this week to encourage me as a mother, by showing me how capable I am of rising to the challenge of a situation, especially when I don't have a choice in the matter.  I was able to see for the first time, how I let some really ridiculous things bother me when Jerry is home, and how he really pulls his weight when it comes to helping out and his share of parenting.
3.  I can still be distrusting and fearful.   Technology is pretty fantastic, allowing Jerry and I to Skype almost every morning and sometimes in the evenings too.  That being said, the only evening I didn't hear from Jerry after work, I was fine, until the morning, when I didn't hear from him again…at first.  Thank you reality and modern culture for making it so easy to distrust an honest man on a business trip!!  I was getting worked up when I couldn't seem to get in touch with him,  thinking that he  was purposefully avoiding me, or that something had happened (cheating, partying, etc.)  This completely caught me off guard, because I trust my husband.  He is the most loyal person I have ever met…and it was disturbing to have such thoughts.  Thankfully, at the last minute he called before his training and we Skyped.  I felt so silly for even allowing the thoughts to linger for a minute. 
As I sit here, writing this post (Friday evening), I am eagerly anticipating Jerry's arrival home.  I feel like Santa is coming.  I mean I'm totally excited.   It has been a rough day but nothing can shake the joy  of knowing he will be home soon.  
The answer is:Yes, absence DOES make the heart grow fonder.
And this is what I learned from Jerry's absence:
1.  It is easy to take your spouse for granted.  One of the quickest ways to discover whether or not you are taking your spouse for granted is to be separated from them for an extended length of time.  Knowing this now, I feel a great debt of gratitude toward my husband for all that he does while still working his tail off to provide for us.  I need to keep my focus on being grateful each day for everything he does, both big and small to make life wonderful for us.
2.  Love is so much more than a feeling.  I already knew this, but I really feel I had a fresh revelation while Jerry was away.  In marriage there are definitely different seasons, some where you can feel giddy and full of that mushy kind of love, while others can seem more practical and less emotional, almost like a partnership.   Because I know that love is a choice to commit yourself to another person completely, I need to remember that this equals a lot of grace and acceptance of where that person is at, where I am at, and what is going on in our lives at that time.  I need to be more flexible with my love.  And I need to remember how strong our love really is.
3.  God only gives us as much as we can handle.  I had no idea how much guilt I was carrying around, not to mention the lack of faith in my abilities (or really, God's ability in me) to succeed this week.  I experienced fear as Jerry left, fear of being a "single" mom and fear of infidelity, and none of these fears were based on reality.  God was there for me through the friends who visited, the peace of prayer with my little lady each night, and in the warm "I miss you" messages that came from Jerry throughout the week.  I need to remember the one who really holds my life, my child and my marriage together: it isn't me.
What is the longest you've been away from your spouse?  How did you deal with it?  Does this resonate with you?


 

Wordless{ish} Wednesday

Excited to have you all along for this journey!!


LAST DAY!!:

 

A Little Tribute to My Relationship with Jerry

I've been thinking about my husband a lot lately, and our relationship.  Sometimes it is good to think about everything we've been through, and what we've experienced.  It isn't our anniversary, but why wait.  We've been together for over 4 years, married 3.5 of them!!  I'm a blessed woman.  I love this man something fierce and I am so happy to continue to build a life with him.

I love all of these memories.  Let me never forget.




 

Faith Filled Marriage: Life Patterns

Addiction

Trauma

Witchcraft

Alcoholism

Violence

Depression

Abuse

Divorce

Abortion

Disease

Adultery

Neglect

Suicide

Regretfully, these words all have their place in our family histories.  Some of these have been experienced in recent generations, and others in generations past.  A few I know all too personally.  

When Jerry and I knew that we desired to be married, we began a lengthy divulgence of privileged information.  Family secrets and issues that have been primarily sealed for the need-to-know basis only, were slowly spilled out in moments of confidence.  It was important to both of us to "put all of our cards on the table."  We have always been honest with each other, sometimes brutally, painfully honest.

We take our oneness seriously.  We have a forever view of marriage.  We are eternally committed to one another.  Our unshakable belief in the authenticity and authority of God's Word is one of the things that attracted us to each other and has been part of the glue that has held us together since the beginning of our relationship.  

We have learned, in our very short time being married, how generational curses or life patterns work and operate against us.  We have seen the chains of bondage choke the life out of loved ones, we have seen others battle the same patterns over and over with no breakthrough, and we have experienced the agony of recognizing the same flaws we've vowed to escape in our own lives.  

In order to become the people God has created us to be, in our marriage and all of our relationships, we need to take an honest look at the spiritual heritage left for us.  We need to recognize the influence of life patterns and generational sins in our family life.  To put it plainly, we need to examine the "why" not just the "what" of the things we do.  It is not enough to recognize our mistakes, flaws, and weaknesses…we need to seek out the root causes.

For me, after years of reflection, I can identify several patterns that have been passed from generation to generation in my family.  One example of this is Alcoholism.  I am not positive how far back it goes, but I can tell you with certainty it has affected multiple generations, and threatened to continue through me.  I will share my personal testimony on this at some point, but for now, I can tell you that I have been called to be a curse-breaker in my family.  I have made the choice not to drink, believing that my faithfulness to abstaining has a direct effect on my children's futures.  

Another recurring life pattern in my family is divorce.  My biological parents have been divorced 3x each.  This is a life pattern I am determined to overcome…its influence has tried to wreak havoc on my marriage many times already.  It is not just the idea of divorce, it is the deeper implications of separation, selfishness, and inability to honor commitment that try to sink their claws into me, especially during moments of weakness or struggle.  I am thankful to God that in those moments, He opens my eyes to see where they are coming from and strengthens my resolve to be fully one with my husband.

These are just a couple of the patterns that God has opened my eyes to.  It is not an easy task to revisit the dark parts of my family history, but it is a necessary endeavor to ensure that Jerry and I leave a legacy of hope, abundance and light to future generations, as well as obtain the abundant life that God desires to give us now, during our short time here on this Earth.  

Facing the truth about our family histories, and bringing the darkness into the light has been one of the most freeing parts of my life so far.  And there is still much to overcome.  Together we are called to be curse-breakers.  Together, we will overcome.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.  Galatians 5:1

Have you taken the time to evaluate destructive life patterns in your family history?



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Faith Filled Marriage: Never Stop Dating Your Spouse

Inertia:  {A tendency to do nothing or remain unchanged.  Idleness.  A rut.}  This is where the hubs and I found ourselves after several dateless months.  We got used to not having time together as a couple, and struggled to break out of it, it became the norm.

Sure, we could make excuses to justify letting our relationship slip low on the priority list, and we certainly have.  Dates = costly, especially when you have to pay $15/hr for someone to sit on your couch while your little one sleeps.  And being away from family who'd gladly hang at your place for free…thats another big bummer.



But I don't want to focus on our excuses, I want to focus on what can be learned from our mistake of giving up on date-nights.  On September 30th, we went on our first date in probably over six months.  Our besties here in NYC offered to chill at our place and told us to "stay out late!"

Hubs planned a surprise dinner date at HK:Hell's Kitchen, near Times Square.  We arrived early to the area, so we enjoyed sipping some coffees and lollygagging to the restaurant.  Once there, we chose an outside table so we could people watch.  I enjoyed a virgin mojito and some of the best calamari I've ever had, before we were forced to move inside due to unexpected rain.

Our dinner was good, but the best thing about the evening was really enjoying the company of my husband.  For once I was not just Jerry's wife or Zion's mama, I was Courtney, again.  I was the woman Jerry fell in love with.  And I was able to appreciate Jerry as the one I gave my heart to, not just as the provider, or the father of my child.

We broke out of our inertia, forcing ourselves to stop making excuses and do the dang thing!  And I learned a valuable lesson…you should never ever ever, for any reason, stop dating your spouse.  That time spent, out of the house, with the focus of delighting in each other's company, can not be recreated through any other activity.

When you can't get out, I'm definitely a fan of throwing "Date-Night-in" where we make a romantic dinner, put on some smooth jazz, and detach from cell phones, hulu and other distractions - but I think getting out at least once a month is so very necessary.

I can hardly wait for our next date-night this Friday evening.  When was the last time you and your spouse got out of the house for a date night?  What is your favorite date night activity?

I'd love some ideas!!

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Faith Filled Marriage: The "For Worse" Times

While some people believe that being in a marriage where Christ is at the center means a flawless and uneventful home life, the reality is that Christian marriages are just as susceptible to hurt, pain and trial, statistically ending in divorce just as often.

The truth of the matter is that we are all dealing with brokenness to some degree, and as a result, face many trials, and sometimes more than our "fair" share of heartache.  So, if suffering to some degree is inevitable, even in our closest partnerships, what can we do about it?

I have been meditating a lot on this recently because I have been battling issues from my childhood for what feels like over a decade now.  I was naive in the beginning of my marriage in believing that Jerry would only bring out the best in me, imagine my surprise when I realized he could easily bring out the worst!

There are three major mistakes we can make in our marriages when faced with the reality that it is not all sunshine and roses all of the time.