{Priorities}

by Kristin Smith

Finding balance in my life 

has always been a

challenge.

I'm the kind of person that takes on a lot,

even when maybe 

I shouldn't.

I know I'm not superwoman,

and 

I know how to say 

"No."

It often seems that 

just when I think I have everything

under control

something always 

tips the scale 

in the other direction.

But, the truth

lies in my 

priorities.

Often when things feel like

chaos,

I find that I've allowed my priorities to

shift out of their rightful order.

I've stopped 

keeping the first thing

first.

Lately,

it's been 

Writing, Family, then God.

And it's not working 

for me.

by Andrea Brancaccio

I know what I must do.

I've discovered the 

secret:

Time spent 

with 

God

is time

multiplied.

When my priorities are right

there is

harmony.

When there is harmony,

there is 

rest.

Is your life in balance

or are you 

struggling

amidst the chaos?

The Lord says:

"Come to me, 

all you who are weary and burdened, 

and I will give you rest.  

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, 

for I am gentle and humble in heart, 

and you will find rest for your souls.  

For my yoke is easy and 

my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

by Jesse Therrien

The Loveliest May

WINNER!

Congrats to Meredith 

for winning the mark. cosmetics giveaway, 

generously offered by my Featured Lovely in May, 

Michelle from Heartfelt Balance, Handmade Life!!

Now sit back and enjoy, some of the Loveliest posts from May!

(Click a thumbnail to read a post!)

   
   

And Lastly,

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SWAP in JUNE??

CLICK HERE to submit your ad, use code: JUNESWAP

Also, starting this month, you can buy an in-post ad which will run in feed readers and mobile devices for 30 days!  Click the link below to purchase!  And for more sponsor options visit my SPONSOR page.

{Today}I Live

When I was a little girl, I was often full of anxiety due to the constant turmoil of a home plagued with alcoholism, domestic violence and neglect.  Both of my parents were extremely young, self absorbed and ill-equipped to raise the three little girls they had been entrusted to them.  One of my earliest memories in childhood marked a turning point in my life and has shaped me in ways that I could never fully describe.

Miracle by Adam Jackson

One particular evening, I was struggling with thoughts of death and the question of being alone forever after death…I remember being very afraid.  Perhaps I felt some degree of impending doom, and it followed me into my dreams that evening.  I dreamt that I was crying out in the darkness, separated from all that I knew and loved, when this giant hand reached down to me.  I knew immediately in my heart that this was God, coming to my rescue, comforting me.  I hugged the hand as tight as I could and was drawn up out of the darkness.  Then I woke up.


I was not raised in a Christian home, nor was I involved in church, or even talk of God.  From the moment I awoke, a deeply rooted faith in God had taken hold in my heart.  I believed, without a single doubt, that God was (and is) real, cares deeply for me and will not leave me alone in darkness.  I woke up with a new hope and foundation for living my life.  I have carried that faith and dream with me since that moment.

The Room by Jesse Therrien

I wish that I could say that from that defining moment life got better for me or easier, but it didn't.  Life was never promised to be easy or struggle free.  I grew up battling severe depression throughout most of my childhood, building to an inescapable climax during my teenage years.  When I was 16 years old I felt especially crippled under the weight of my emotions, and the deep wounds I'd collected as a child.  I was melancholic, sad, angry but despite my emotions I lashed out in unpredicted ways.  I strove for perfection in everything I did, and tormented myself endlessly whenever I fell short.

I reached a point of darkness where I believed it would have been better if I had never been born.  I frequently struggled with images in my mind of my life ending.  I didn't want death, I wanted release…I just wanted a mind free of pain and anguish.  One evening, while my family went about their normal activities I collected all the medicine from my mother's medicine cabinet.  Trembling, I swallowed the pills.  I wept quietly as I felt my pain washing me over like tidal waves, and mourned the life that I hoped would soon leave me.  

After swallowing the pills, I laid in my bed and prayed to God to forgive me, and I cried out for Him to save me.  As quickly as I had given my life away I wanted it back.  I begged and pleaded with Him to not take my life, but to give me a second chance.  I poured out my heart before Him and the weight of the load I was carrying was laid before His feet.  I cried until I drifted to sleep, unsure if I'd taken my last breaths.  Miraculously I awoke.  Never had I been so grateful to have air in my lungs.

Cloud Break by Cheryl Empey

I survived to make a promise to God that I would never devalue my life again.  Instead of drowning in the despair I felt, I would resolve to rise above all that I had been through.  I made a choice that I would never give up, and I would fight every obstacle that stood in my way to being wholly healed from the pain of my childhood.  I wouldn't end up another statistic of a broken home.  I would be the curse breaker and I would go on to live a "normal" existence.  Mostly, I just wanted to do more than survive.

I live today as a different person.  While I can't say that I am completely healed of the pain of my past, each day is a little bit better than the last.  Each day that God gives me the power to breath, is a day where I am actively pursuing wholeness in my life.  I have been blessed with a beautiful life.  I have a remarkable man by my side to hold me when I need to be reassured that life is indeed good, a spirited daughter to fill my heart with songs of joy and laughter and a God who, as promised, has never left me alone in my darkness.

{Overcomers}

Rowhouse 14

Dear Family

In These Shoes

Absolute Mommy

Paisley Boulevard

Anywhere Is

Imprintalish

From City Corporate to Suburb Mama

Our Reflection

The Jack Chronicles

{With Thanks}

I wanted to take a minute to just say a big heartfelt 

"Thank You" 

to you for reading my blog, 

supporting me, 

encouraging me by commenting,

 and for reaching out to me just to say hello 

or share a thought!  

May has been such a difficult month for me, 

but in the midst of it all, 

I've discovered how even friends I have yet to meet in real life 

{YOU}

 are genuinely caring, 

warm-hearted and 

generously loving!

Thank you so much for your sweet comments this month, 

most of which I regret I have not had the time to respond to. 

 I read every single one of them, and they mean so much.  

I am so grateful for your friendship and support.  

If there is anything I can do for you, 

to help you, 

encourage you, 

even to pray for you, 

please let me know!

P.S.

Top Baby Blogs reset their votes today, 

and we need your help!  

Would you please give us a vote and help us stay ranked in the Top 25!

Just click this link and then Mr. Owl on the LEFT!! 

That's it.  

XO

{Broken}

It's been a hard month.

I don't even know if I'm sure how to begin this conversation,

but I have to open up my heart.

I need to release the tidal wave of emotion that is threatening to drown me.

I'm not very good at sharing this part of me.

I'm not good at dealing with pain.

I'm broken.

I'm so very broken.

Some of it is my fault…

I take full responsibility for the choices I've made 

that have brought with it the consequence of pain.  

But this is not the brokenness I'm speaking of today.

I'm talking about the brokenness that is a result of someone else's choice.

A choice to rob me of my innocence as a child.

A choice to violate the depths of my soul.

It is a wound that continually bleeds.

It is a pain that knows no limit.

As I sit here today, writing this, 

I am discouraged in my soul.

For as long as I can remember I've tried to control the pain,

to stop the bleeding,

but I have finally realized I cannot do it.

I've self-medicated, and I've run.

I've buried it and I've hid.

I've screamed, I've cried and I've rebelled.

Most of the time I smile through it, refusing to expose it.

And now, I've reached the end of my own efforts.

I am perplexed.

The one thing I haven't tried is to 

just be still 

and allow myself to actually 

feel the pain.

Allow myself to actually feel

 the emotions that are trapped

 in my mind and body's memories 

of what I've endured.

But today I'm doing that.

Today I'm just feeling what I feel.

Today I'm being authentic about how deep the wound is.

Today I'm trusting God that this is the way to freedom.

I may be broken,

but my faith is intact.

I may be broken,

but I am being restored.

I may be broken,

but God will not leave me here.

{Featured Lovely+Giveaway}Meet Michelle of Heartfelt Balance, Handmade Life

I was born and raised in Florida.  

I lived in Tallahassee, 

where I attended Florida State 

to earn my degree in 

fashion.  

I met my hubby on a cruise. 

Six years later, I moved to Ohio.  

I've been in Ohio for 12 years now and

my hubby and I will be celebrating our 

10 year anniversary 

this year.

I have a wonderful husband 

who is a carpenter.  

And 
I have two kids--

an 8 year old boy and 

a 5 year old girl.  

Logan, my 8 year old 

is into anything LEGO 

and has recently found out that he 

loves swimming.  

Jaycee is my funky little diva.  

She is one of the most active people I've ever met.  

It is sometimes a challenge keeping her busy!

Heartfelt Balance, Handmade Life is 

a Mish-Mash of mommy stuff.  

I float back and forth between different topics.  

Sometimes I focus on cooking and recipes.  

Sometimes I focus on crafts.  

Sometimes I might write heartfelt mommy thoughts 

or show you a little bit of the local fun. 

I've recently started doing a "Daily Fashion Post", 

where I create an outfit of the day.  

Since I earned my degree in fashion, 

I miss the clothes!  

It's a way for me to feel like I'm still involved.

I've recently started selling mark. cosmetics.  

It's another way I can stay in touch with the beauty/fashion world.  

It's been a lot of fun so far.  

I can't wait to see where it takes me!

***
Courtney here:
I "met" Michelle via the MayDay Follow Fest!
I really like her daily outfit posts 
and was happy to hear that she started a mark. business.  
They have such trendy and affordable cosmetics!  
Michelle recently mentioned that she is growing out her gray…
and I have to say…I'm super impressed by her choice!  
I hope that when my hair starts turning that I will look as stunning as she does!  
Doesn't she look amazing!?


You can connect more with Michelle here: Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest.


Don't leave yet!  
Michelle is generously giving away some mark. goodies 
to one lovely Baxtron{Life} reader!


Enter via the Rafflecopter below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

{Meet&Tweet}

Today I'm thrilled to be co-hosting a twitter party with Laura from Our Reflection!  


I hope you'll join in on the fun - 
I have come to love meeting other bloggers through this party!  


And seriously…
now that I have my shiny new iPhone, 
I'm even more of a twitter-hollic!  


I can't wait to meet you and follow you via twitter, 
so if you are new, please say hello!

Here's how this Meet & Tweet works...

HOST

Laura @ Our Reflection

This week's co-hosts are:

Courtney from Baxtron Life

Jess from Jess Is More

L from All Glorious Within

Kendall from Songbirds and Buttons

Helen from Eat.Enjoy.Live.

Christine from The DIY Dreamer

Jennifer from Mommy Huh 

The Rules

1. Mandatory you follow your hosts

{They are the first 8 in the linky.}

2. Follow at least 5 new people via Twitter

{Or more! Introduce yourself... Its a great way to make new friends!}

3. Tweet about the Meet & Tweet!

You can use "Meet new friends & gain new followers! Join the Meet & Tweet at @_laurahernandez aka Our Reflection blog. I did! http://our-reflection.blogspot.com/"

4. Spread the word!

The more the merrier! Grab a button and add it to

your blog, Tweet or Facebook about the link up.

<div align="center"><a href="http://our-reflection.blogspot.com/" title="Our Reflection"><img src="http://i1099.photobucket.com/albums/g383/_laurahernandez/MeetTweet-2.jpg" alt="Our Reflection" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

One lucky link up person will WIN a FREE

solo guest post on Our Reflection blog!

Drum roll please....

Last weeks Meet & Tweet winner is Amanda from Royal Daughter Designs.

Congratulations!

Please link up your Twitter account, not your blog.

Want to be a future co-host?
Only requirement is your become an Our Reflection sponsor.
Email Laura at momsgonnasnap@gmail.com.

{TacoWraps}

Don't these look delicious?  Head over to Girl Meets World for the recipe!!

{Coffee Date}

I've been meaning to sit down with you and share a cup of coffee for some time now.

If we were to share a cup of coffee today, I'd tell you that my heart is filled with a mixed bag of emotions…that I need to just purge for a little while if you don't mind.

I'd start our conversation by focusing on all the lovely things that have brought joy to my heart in the past few days.

I'd tell you...

How Zion's 2nd Birthday was beautiful, filled with close family and friends.

How I slaved away to make her a six layer rainbow cake with homemade buttercream frosting…mostly to prove to myself that I was capable.

How she lit up the room with her excited response to everyone singing Happy Birthday to her.

I'd share...

How great it felt to treat my in-laws to a fancy steak dinner at one of the best steakhouses in New York City (for Mother's Day)…a gift that Jerry and I have been dreaming of giving for a few years.

How Jerry received a bonus that was much higher than we expected, and how we've paid off our highest interest/high balance credit card in full!

I'd probably gloat a little about the fact that today we ordered my iPhone 4S in white, of course, and how I can't wait to destroy my current "smartphone" by smashing it to pieces.  Yes, I'm really going to do that.

And then of course the conversation would probably move toward some of the minor struggles I've had over the last couple of weeks….

I'd share that…

It is hard to admit to myself that my daughter (my sweet little baby) is now 2.  And I secretly hate the fact that we took away her pacifiers the other night, even though she is doing fine without them.

I felt awful that she ended up getting her blood drawn on her birthday and how they couldn't get her vein to stop rolling so she had to get poked in both arms.  I wanted to punch the nurse, and cry too, but of course had to be strong and reassuring while she looked at me with those big tear-filled brown eyes.

I would tell you how I haven't quite got back into the swing of things with my blog or other projects, and that I am allowing myself to be okay with that for now.  Time away is good for regrouping and refocusing, always.

If we were to have coffee today, this is probably the point where I'd grow a little quiet and seem a bit distant, as I stripped away the layers and moved closer to the deeper things going on in my heart.

I would probably get a little choked up as I told you…

How the last two weeks I was convinced that I was pregnant again.

That I had all of the normal symptoms I had with Zion…that I couldn't wait to test myself yesterday, only to find that I was not pregnant, and then shortly thereafter have confirmation of that.

Then I would tell you how I'm afraid that I won't get pregnant again easily…how I'm worried about running out of time.  How my dream of having a big family seems like it may not come true after all.

I'd probably finish by saying, I still trust God, and know that He has perfect timing…and that I will still rest in that and believe and hope despite how I currently feel.

I'd then tell you how terrified I am about what God is currently doing in my life…all of it good…but incredibly scary for me.

I would tell you…

How I got asked to speak at a conference and said yes, even though every part of me wanted to say no, because I knew it was God's will.

I would tell you that I am more nervous about delivering the right message than I am about the actual public speaking, even though that part terrifies me a little bit too.

I would tell you that I know I will never be the same after sharing this part of my story…because once it is out there…well…there is no turning back…no more secrets.  I'd also tell you that I know this is part of God's plan to bring greater healing and wholeness to my life, yes, but also to the lives of others.

I'd finish probably by apologizing for talking the whole time and not letting you get much of a word in, and I'd thank you for being there for me, for praying with me, for encouraging me, for being a part of my life.

Lastly, I'd ask you to come and share a cup of coffee with me again…sooner than later…and promise to listen more than talk this next time around.




Linking up with Alissa & Dana.