In My Opinion...

Rachel over at LaLa Lists invited me to link up with her this week for her "In My Opinion" post - where she encourages you to share whatever the heck you want about what you think.  Fun idea, could get me in trouble, we'll see.

In My Opinion...

1.  I'm over the pendulum swing of Feminism - its become less about being treated with equal value and more about women being favored over men - and the way men are ridiculed on tv as fathers and made to look like idiots by controlling domineering women makes me sick!  

2.  The very people who preach tolerance are usually the least tolerant.  

3.  Sex trafficking and sexual crimes are the worst and most widely under-prosecuted forms of evil and destruction in our world today. 

4.  Our country divided will never be united.

5.  Everyone should stop watching the news.

6.  There is not going to be a zombie apocalypse.

7.  Dark chocolate is a cure-all for a myriad of emotional disturbances.

8.  Instant gratification is NOT worth it, you appreciate the things in life that you have to work hard for.

9.  Society as a whole has come to accept emotionally abusive behavior as normal.

10.  If you are pissed off after reading this, we probably shouldn't be friends.  I still love you though!

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Still on the fence about @Klout? Measuring Influence by Engagement

Check out this awesome infographic - and then join me on Klout!

via OnlineClasses.org

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Music Therapy Florence + The Machine | Shake it Out

One thing that has been a constant in my life is the soundtrack.  For most of my journey so far I've gravitated to music that allows me to release and process my emotions through the words and music others have written.  I'll be sharing songs that I have really connected with throughout my struggles and even my joys in life - I will be calling this "Music Therapy."

The first song I'm sharing is one I listen to often.  First, I'm a huge fan of Florence + The Machine, and second her lyrics in this particular song really resonate with me.

Though she is talking about a former relationship with a lover - I find myself reflecting on my relationship with denial and how that one particular relationship was like a devil on my back, choking the very life out of me that I was trying to protect.  The romance of denial was that it made me feel protected, but in the end I was disillusioned by it and it left me undone.  And so now I'm shaking that denial out of my life and on a quest for living in truth.

In the end of the song, she speaks about being ready to suffer and ready to hope - it seems that denial for me prevented both my ability accept the pain and trauma of my past, while at the same time numbing my joy and happiness in the present.  I really love this conclusion to the song.  And in the end, the reality that she was looking for heaven and as she got closer on that search the light revealed to her the truth of the broken nature of both herself and the lover - or for me - my own deep brokenness and the evil nature of denial.  

What songs have resonated with your life story?

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How Real is Too Real for Blogging?

One of my favorite lovelies that I met through blogging started a new link up recently and I decided today was the day to take the plunge and join her.

Change can be a scary thing - even when it is desperately needed.  It takes a lot of energy to make positive lasting changes.  It takes a lot of courage to admit that you are unsatisfied with where you've ended up in life.  And don't forget the humility that is needed when you have to face the music that your own choices have led you to where you are (most of the time).

After just over a year of blogging, I have been stretched in ways I never imagined I would be.  In typical progressive fashion I've moved from being a newbie "Hello World, it's me Courtney" blogger to a overzealous socialite - "linky party every day please!" - to a "please follow me (you could win this special prize)" blogger, and then finally to the awkward - holy cow batman I'm in burnout mode and my family is ready to give me a blogging ultimatum, just to eventually end up here in this place.

What is this place?  The place where I am ready to change it up in a dramatic, terrifying and bold way!  The change I'm ready to make in my life is being really real - I mean not the kind of real that says "hey I was fake before" but the kind that says you know, "I have a purpose in this community for something and I'm going to walk into that purpose regardless of the followers I'll have six months from now" - because it is authentically my voice, and I've found it.

I have a story to tell and I'm going to start telling it.  Originally I thought it would be too difficult - too dark for me to share my story on this blog - because I long desperately to share nothing but happiness - like a Hollywood ending I want to re-write my story so that it is all sunshine and roses.  But this isn't Hollywood,  this is the place I have been given to share my testimony boldly - because someone out there needs to hear my story.  Because someone out there shares my story - and they need to know they are not alone.

I was recently inspired by the tweets happening about the Influence conference.  The thing that was really amazing is that, as much as I longed to have been there, I felt God's stirring in my heart the whole time the conference was going on, pushing me to start using my voice for Him.  I heard Him urging me to be courageous and not afraid of sharing my journey with you.  And honestly, I can't think of anything more freeing than just opening up and beginning to tell you, without being so vague, what I've been through - and how God has been my strength despite very challenging circumstances.

Some of what I am going to share going forward is going to be extremely difficult for me to open up about, not just because of how it has effected my life, but because I have protected the people who have hurt me by a very detrimental form of denial - a denial that has been broken down completely over the last couple of years, in a process that has shaken me to my very core.  I will always always speak with humility, love and compassion for those who have hurt me - but I will not deny the truth of the pain they have caused.  Nor will I deny the truth of the pain I have caused others in my own brokenness.

Don't think for one minute that my blog will all of the sudden be a dark and dreary place, because that wouldn't be accurate of my life either.  It will just be a more vulnerable place - one that shares the good as well as the bad - but hopefully never leaves you discouraged.  It will be a safe place to talk about pain and engage in meaningful community in regards to some of the darkness that plagues our world today, but it will still be a place of celebration of the things I love as well.

What is the change I want to see?  What is the life I want to live?  Who is the person I want to be?

I want to live immersed in the freedom and love of a flourishing relationship with God through Jesus Christ, and no longer frozen in the pain of my past.  I want my life to be abounding in supernatural grace and love - to be a person who has joy in the midst of sorrow, who can stand firm on the rock and not be beaten and battered by the storms of life.  I want more of Him and less of me.

I want to laugh and smile and dance again - releasing the weight of my worries and heartaches to the one who has already come to set me free.  I want to encourage others who have experienced painful childhood wounds by walking through the healing process openly.

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Hand Made Twitter Handle Necklace + Giveaway by Lauren Nicole Gifts

Hey lovelies! I have a special treat for you today!  Check out this gorgeous hand-stamped sterling silver necklace created by Lauren Nicole Gifts!

Lauren Nicole Gifts is a great place to find gorgeous hand-stamped jewelry and other unique and personalized gifts.

Lauren Nicole Gifts specializes in custom, hand stamped, and monogrammed jewelry that is hand made just for you. Our original line of jewelry includes baby footprint and hand print necklaces, child's signature and artwork necklaces, and mommy jewelry. We have a unique collection of monogrammed, initial, and wax seal jewelry.

Check out a few of my favorite items from the shop below:

1.  Wedding Charm Necklaces - a beautiful way to celebrate that special day!
 2. Mommy Necklaces - a perfect Mother's day gift!

3.  Handprint Cuff-links for Dad - use your child's actual hand prints!
4. Children's Artwork Jewelry - made with your child's original artwork!

I was so excited to get my very own twitter handle necklace in the mail, especially after seeing a few at BlogHer in August.  It arrived in a cute little box and included a bonus Jewelry cleaning cloth.

I really couldn't wait to put it on after it arrived.  I love the chain, it's honestly the perfect length for me. It has a delicate, high quality, look and feel to it.

Hand Stamped Sterling Silver Twitter Handle Necklace - The solid sterling silver pendant measures 3/4" to 1.25" long depending on the length of the name. The pendant can be hand stamped with up to 16 characters (punctuation, dots and spaces count as characters). The charm comes on a sterling silver chain with a freshwater pearl charm (the pearl can be upgraded to a gemstone - gemstones may vary in shape depending on what we have in stock).

So what do you think!?  Do you want one too?  Here's your chance!  One of you are going to win a $75 Credit to Lauren Nicole Gifts!! (You can use it on your own Twitter Handle necklace - or anything else you love from the shop!)
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Check out Lauren Nicole Gifts // Twitter // Facebook

I received a complimentary necklace from Lauren Nicole Gifts to review via ThetaMom, as always all opinions expressed in this review are my own.

Fridays Letters

I really love Friday's letters posts - so even though I don't do them regularly, I always love the chance to participate!  So here goes!

Dearest Husband - even though marriage is no piece of cake - it is worth every single moment of time, energy, stress, joy - to be married to YOU.  I can't even begin to tell you in words what you mean to me.  I just know that God specifically planned for us to be together - and I'm in awe of how many times he has confirmed that in some small detail that only I could appreciate.  This week you really encouraged me and challenged me in a way that I pushed me to be a better person, and I am incredibly grateful.  I love you.

Dear Darling Daughter - last week you surprised me by grabbing my hand in the car, unexpectedly and telling me that I was your best friend.  I could cry just thinking of the times where I have been so terrified that I have failed you in some way.  If you could only know how important it is to me to be the mother you need in your life - to be there for you and love on you, and how that simple statement made me feel.  You are such a joy in my life - I'm working hard to heal the pain in my heart so I can be fully present in your life - always, thank you for showing me God's grace and love.

Dear Gluten -  I gave you up for a while - and you know what - I've realized how bad you are for me. I mean, you literally make me sick.  Now, I may have relapsed on you in the past 24 hours but I've decided you aren't worth it.  I thought I loved bread.  But I love not feeling bloated more.  And I love that I'm not fighting acne as much and that I feel better over all since eliminating you.  So, I'm breaking up with you for good.  No on-again, off-again.  You just aren't good for me.  It's definitely you, not me.

Dear Costume party -  What the heck am I going to wear to you!? I'm not in my 20's anymore so you can bet I'm not comfortable buying one of those ridiculously immodest costumes that that seem to be the majority of what is offered now-a-days.  I was thinking maybe a Gold-Digger?  But maybe a Greek Goddess?  Maybe Athena - you know, I am a wise old maid.  ;)

Dear Trader Joes Pumpkin [Anything] -  Damn you are so good!  I mean I just want to make a special trip to restock my cupboard with you - especially Pumpkin Spice Chai Latte mix - oh my goodness!!

Dear Starbucks -  I love you - you have been faithful to me out here in this city of Coffee-water, but I cheated on you today and it felt, amazing.  There is a local place in my hood called Cafe Bunni - and wow - their Salted Caramel Mocha put yours to shame - not to mention how the foam heart design carefully crafted by their barista won me over.  I'm concerned for you.  But don't be too threatened, I mean, you are still winning by location.

Dear Carpal Tunnel -  Thank you for calming down.  Your rage was really difficult to deal with, and now that you have calmed a bit, I'm able to once again enjoy all of life.  Now, can you pretty please stay calm going forward?

Dear Politics -  I really do want to care about you, but I have lost all faith in your ability to mean anything.  I mean it doesn't matter who wins - the other party will just screw all your efforts while you are in office, and inevitably you will accomplish nothing you have promised.  Until both parties can learn to work together and stop being so hatefully divided things are just going to be ugly and pointless.  Its sad what you have become - and worthy of ridicule.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

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Glade Expressions #IGotItFree

Have you guys tried any of the new Glad Expressions products?  Last month I participated in a BzzAgent campaign and had the chance to check out the Fragrance Mist and Oil Diffuser for FREE!

I just wanted to share a couple things here with you - first - have you signed up to be a BzzAgent yet?  Go do it! Its really fun (and FREE) to try new products that are catered to your interests!

And second - next time you are in the market for delicious scented products to make your home inviting - give these a try.  There were three scents available and my preference is the tropical smell of Pineapple Mangosteen, but maybe you'd like the others!

I wasn't totally won over by the oil diffuser - though the look of it is great - the scent wasn't strong enough for a lasting impact - but the fragrance mist is great!

I'm not getting paid to endorse this - just sharing my experience!

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Winners! 1st Blog Anniversary Giveaway

Guys!  I'm still super overwhelmed by the awesome amount of entrants to my first blog anniversary party.  And so many of you are in qualification of free ad space - in fact I have over 35 free ad spaces to give out - which I'm working hard to get processed before the end of the month!

Here are the winners of the regular prizes - 

all prizes have been claimed and distributed!

Would you guys mind taking a minute to boost my rank over at Top Baby Blogs?  We'd be so grateful!  Just click this link here, then the owl on the left! Thank you so much!!

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A Heart Gone Wandering...

This past month has been challenging - and whereas the past several months have been no piece of cake, each new month seems to stack up the challenges upon each other leaving me stretched thin and weary.

I have been open about my faith as a Christian here on my blog, but I haven't been open about the challenges of keeping that faith.  In the past year of my life, everything that I have so passionately believed in has been questioned and put under the greatest battle of soul and spirit that I can describe.

My relationship with God has been at times marred by anger and resentment, at other times pushed so far away that only a God who is omnipresent and fiercely willing could break through the icy walls I've  built up.  In my spirit - I believe with everything - in the God of all creation - in his perfect sacrifice of Jesus Christ, for the redemption of all humanity.  But in my soul I experience violent opposition to trusting Him with my life.

I'm about to get very real with you - so brace yourself - I recently had a major life breakthrough - one that was critical - one that was orchestrated beautifully by the hand of God.  I woke up from a denial about things I experienced as a child at the hands of the two human beings entrusted with my care.

For over 20 years of my life I coped with life by creating a fantasy in my mind - a disillusioned perspective on the world - one that minimized pain, fear, anxiety and reality.  One that minimized real evil in the world.  You see, real evil didn't exist in my reality - it couldn't.  And so it was easy to see God in his perfect goodness and not question or doubt Him.

Its not that I didn't believe in evil - but I believed in it the same way as I believe in monsters in scary movies.  It freaks me out, I push it to the side believing it couldn't possibly be like that in real life.

But, now I know that real evil exists.  Because I was the recipient of real evil.  And that evil has had its mangy filthy claws in my flesh for the past two and a half decades.  And it is that evil that I am battling daily - that I am fighting for dear life to escape from.

My daily battle is one of learning to live in reality - no longer minimizing the hurtful things I have experienced, no longer protecting the people who were supposed to have loved me.  Instead I am allowing the unprocessed pain to wash over me, tidal wave by tidal wave.

Hoping that as I surrender to reality, I will find the continued strength to choose to believe rather than doubt in God's love for me.

Hoping I can believe in the goodness of God as much as I now believe in real evil in this world.

Hoping that one day this storm will pass and I will again be able to see the sun shining above me.

Hoping that one day there will be no more buried pain - just the freedom of being healed by God's great love, so that I can encourage those who have been or will be just waking up from their own fantasy.

This blog has always been a place for me to share my life - and to write from my heart - I haven't been able to do that lately as much as I'd like to, but hopefully you will understand how heavy my heart has been, and know I am still here and still care for each and every one of you!

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Celebrate Diversity Divine Baby Luxury Baby Quilts

Hey lovelies! I'm taking a short break from the regular Monday, "Pinning" party to give my hands and wrists some healing time.  In the mean time, I'm back with a vlog to share with you about Divine Baby luxury baby quilts.  I had the privilege of reviewing one of these gorgeous heirloom quality blankets with my daughter Zion, and I think that you would really love them.

Divine Baby luxury baby quilts are a great way to celebrate your child's heritage.  The blankets are heirloom quality, made of 250 thread count cotton and stitched beautifully!  They currently come in four different styles, featuring vibrant colors and designs.

The Divine Baby Story: 

"Divine Baby is a unique line of baby products that celebrates the beauty of cultural diversity through timeless, heirloom-quality keepsakes. We know how precious your children are to you, and we believe that all babies benefit from nurturing moments shared with those who love them. Our gorgeously illustrated board books, ultra-luxurious baby blankets and other products are meant for families to share and to pass down through the generations."

How do you celebrate your family heritage with your child?  Which divine baby blanket is your favorite!?

We received complimentary product from Divine Baby for this review, as always all opinions expressed in this review are my own.

10.3.12 The Wrap

Seems like forever ago that I posted some of the images of our life in the city.  My recent slew of fun - carpal tunnel, Zion having a cold, Hubs endless studying has made it less convenient to post whenever I want, but its been really good at the same time.  Here are some images from life over the past few weeks.

     

   
 

 
 
 
 

Now that we're caught up.  How are you? How has your week been so far?  

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