Beluga Point, Alaska - Revisited

 While my in-laws were visiting us last month we stopped off at Beluga Point and were stunned by the views now that the snow has melted.  Check out Beluga Point with the snow covered mountains and frozen water, in my previous post.

I'll be playing catch-up this week, with lots of beautiful photographs from our recent (and not so recent) adventures in Alaska.  Enjoy!

       

Coffee-Less Date VLOG

Correction: Megan's Blog is AbsoluteMommy.blogspot.com, sorry for screwing that up in the video Meg!  You can click above to go directly to her link I was referring to.

I forgot to mention a couple of things in my vlog this week, so you can get more below as well as a few links to check out this weekend.  If we were sitting down for a cup of coffee right now, here are some of the things I would tell you:

My health is already starting to improve just with a change of diet and elimination of caffeine.  That's why I am only drinking caffeine-free herbal tea, or maybe some kombucha or something.  BUT there is even more to the story that I forgot to share with you.  I realized in the midst of all my crazy physical hardship that I have so much to praise God for during this time.  I've always struggled with my body image, but it wasn't until the last couple of months that God really started convicting me about the depth of that.  

I realized in some ways I hated my body.  And I finally saw it for what it was.  In someone who is a survivor of trauma and emotional abuse, body image is one of the things that suffers lasting damage. I simply didn't acknowledge how deeply I had been affected in terms of my relationship toward my body.  And I hadn't taken responsibility for the abuse I had suffered by my own negative thoughts, words and hands.  The way I've taken care of myself over the years has been a reflection of how I feel about myself deep down inside.  

When you don't love your body, you might, on the surface level, do a few things to feel better about yourself - but the motivation to live healthy and fuel your body well rarely sticks around.  Its easy to be caught in a vicious cycle that leaves you more frustrated.  But when you really love your body and accept it - all on its own, as yours, created by God just for you, then you want to treat it well and that desire comes from a place that cannot be reached by the day-to-day temptations.  And that is what I am finding happening now.  I am so motivated now because for once in my life I can truly say I love my body.  Its not in the best shape, but that is my fault.  And I can choose to do something about it.  And I am.

Anyway, yeah, I feel pretty pumped with all that is going on.  And I know that as my body heals it will be a much more fertile place (baby number 2 please!), and eventually the outside will match the internal shift I've had.  

While sipping our tea, I might tell you that:

I've been really focusing a lot more on quality time with Zion lately.  I love that she is growing increasingly independent but there have been quite a few times that she has told me she wants to play by herself or she's "doing her own thing" and it give my mamas heart a little ache.  I am now seeing that those times I wasted being so busy and working crazy hours on my blog equal time I can never buy back with her.  Those times I pushed her to the side so I could finish a sponsored post or do some social media, are times I would buy back right now if I could.  So I'm just not doing that anymore.  And I'm trying to woo her back to wanting to spend time with me, so she knows how much I love and value her.  That she is important to me, far more important than any blog post.  

My blog is still important, but things seem to be in the right order now.  I work when I can fit it in during a nap or after she goes to bed at night.  And so, frequency of posting may have slowed down, but I think quality will improve dramatically as the months go on.

Lastly, I'd make light of all this heavy talk by sharing:

I have 13 mosquito bites! Ouch.  I counted them this afternoon and got them all yesterday during a mid-morning hike in Alaska wilderness.  I'm pretty itchy all over at the moment.  Did you know they say the Mosquito is Alaska's State Bird!? Ha, seriously those vampiric bugs are huge here.

I know I mentioned it in the video and before on the blog, but I'M GOING TO HAWAII!! Prepare to be annoyed as I countdown the days and take endless amounts of pictures on that trip.  Hahha.

Here are a few links for you to check out this weekend:

The Importance of a "BabyMoon" even when you have multiple children!

Reasons you should NEVER reenact Pinterest photos.

A stunning wedding dress if you are in the market, and floral bridesmaids dresses to go with it.

Have you seen any of these "Twerking" videos, warning - not suitable for all audiences, is this really a thing now?

Finding yourself in a writing rut this Summer? Here are 20 Blog Post ideas for Lifestyle blogs.

The nail polish addict in me is loving this watercolor print!

I've got a few more years before I can celebrate 10 years of living in NYC! Love this photo collection of memories of 10 years of Big Apple living!

Have a great weekend lovelies!! 

       

His & Hers Kindles or $200 Cash Giveaway!Sponsored by Datevitation

This giveaway is provided by Datevitation.  Some of the information and images in this post are provided by Datevitation, however all opinions expressed below are my own.

I have a special treat for you today! I've partnered with Datevitation this month to bring you an awesome giveaway of your choice of His & Hers Kindles or $200 Cash!!  Perhaps you've heard about Datevitation, but if not, let me introduce you to a really fun and creative way of presenting customized coupon books for your spouse, parents or even kids!  Unlike the love coupon books you find in the stores, Datevitation, gives you all that you need to create a beautiful customized printed coupon books to gift to your loved ones.

At Datevitation you can browse over 350 creative date ideas, all with incredibly cute images to go along with them!  I love how you can specifically customize the text of each coupon in your own words.  There are even some naughty ones for adults only.  I am sure my husband would be thrilled with a few of those coupons as a gift for Valentine's Day!

Check out some cute examples of how you can use Datevitation for your spouse or significant other:

I love that there are so many possibilities of how you can customize their books and the intended recipient.  How cute are these quality time coupons for your kiddos to turn in:

 Some of my favorite activities in their database include their "Adrenaline" section featuring crazy things like bungee jumping, and their creative activities for a Mom & Child like "Busting a Move."  There are so many options!!  Each book can hold up to 20 coupons and is bound with heavy-weight linen paper.  They wrap them up really classy too, and you get to pick the cover you want.

Books start at $20 each and come with 5 coupons.  Each additional coupon is $1 and so the cost of a full book of 20 coupons is about $35!  As a special offer to my readers, you can save $10 off your first book with code: BAXTRONLIFE10!!

Datevitation is a family business started by a sweet husband-wife team.  They also have a great blog with all kinds of ideas for romance and other ways to celebrate relationships.  I love this post on ways to celebrate Mother's day!

Go check them out, but before you go, make sure you enter the Fabulous giveaway below:
a Rafflecopter giveaway

       

My Body Is Failing Me

I've been exhausted lately.  And discouraged.  For the past several years I've dealt with Thyroid issues (low hormone) which have caused fluctuations in my metabolism, played with my emotions and have left me incredibly frustrated.  I've spent several years taking increasing dosages of synthetic thyroid hormone to "regulate" my Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.   And while my labwork has appeared to be stable for the most part for the last couple of those years, my symptoms have not improved.

About a year and a half ago I showed up to an annual follow up visit with my endocrinologist in New York City, and explained to her that I was still feeling very drained most of the time, still unable to lose weight the natural way (eating right and exercising) and that I wasn't where I wanted to be.   I was just over a year post-partum which to me seemed like plenty of time to shed the weight.  I breastfed my daughter for 13 months, ate a diet with plenty of veggies and lean meats, and was regularly - daily even out pushing a stroller around New York City, or lifting the weight of my little lady.  I had also been running with our jogging stroller and making sure to do various other physical activities.  But I often felt exhausted, weak and burnt out.

Finally, I decided to try Medifast and had a very successful few months on that program, losing 30 pounds.  But it was not a sustainable way of eating, nor was it healthy.  My reading and researching on genetically modified foods, whole clean eating and the way our diets are killing us with cancer and other diseases told me that eating a meal from a processed powder packet was just not a good idea in the long term.  So I went off that plan and I started to move towards a gluten-free lifestyle, and even began dabbling in Paleo.  I felt good for a while.  And felt better about myself.  But slowly, my weight came back, my energy levels plummeted and I began to wonder if there was something else going on.

Before & After 12 Weeks of Medifast

Flash forward to this year's follow up visit, in May.  I found myself going into that visit with the same exact complaints as the year prior, and expecting the same lack of empathy from my specialist, who the previous year looked at me bold-faced and told me to add an additional 1 hour of cardio to my daily routine.  (Yeah, I wanted to throat-punch her for that.)  So with a sense of dread I went into her office and explained yet again, this time a little more conviction that it wasn't about what I wasn't doing.  To my surprise she actually listened to me and started to provide me with some additional options going forward.  I mentioned to her at that time that I was curious as to whether or not I might be suffering from adrenal fatigue, to which she mentioned she'd be open to checking that if switching my medicine didn't help.

Two months ago I switched from synthetic T4 hormones to a natural desiccated thyroid hormone therapy that is both T4 & T3.  Apparently, this is not the first time someone has raised the issue of still experiencing low thyroid symptoms while having completely in-range lab results.  In fact, after I got home, with a sense of hope, I began to research more and found a site for people who have been fed up with the blanket approach and not having their continued hypothyroid symptoms addressed or taken seriously.

After a couple of weeks on the new therapy I experienced a boost of increased energy and noticed a few lessening symptoms, but soon after, I began feeling the same.  I emailed my endocrinologist and waited for her advice, expecting she'd be happy to boost my dose, or test me for adrenal fatigue.  That simply wasn't the case, instead she made me wait an additional two weeks, get labs done and then wait for a response.  And the labs were good, showing me "in-range."  Bravo.  And once again I am faced with the hypothyroid symptoms including a severely low metabolism, lack of energy, depression, etc.

To say that I am frustrated is not even the half of it.  I'm angry, I'm discouraged and I'm feeling trapped.   I know that my body is working against me.  My body is failing me.  Right now, I am waiting for a response from my endocrinologist back in New York that she is going to either increase my dosage of medication or test me more extensively.  And waiting sucks.  Especially when she said she would get back to me no later than Tuesday afternoon of this week and we are now on Friday of a holiday week, and I doubt I will hear anything until Monday.  

Despite the lack of consideration from her, I've not been sitting around waiting for her to make time for my case, in the meantime I have been doing extensive reading about Hypothyroidism, the relationship between the Thyroid and the Adrenals, and even how allergies come into play.  My heart and my mind and my will are unwilling to give up hope and it honestly feels like I am at war against my body.  In the midst of it all there is the bigger picture.  And I am starting to see it much more clearly now.

Take a child who is physically, sexually and emotionally abused - resulting in severe childhood trauma and stress, fast forward to several years later when the manifestation of those unresolved issues births severe inflammation in the body resulting in a diagnosis of Systemic Lupus.  Continue to only treat the outward symptoms but never deal with the inward root causes and watch as new inflammatory issues arise - specifically hypothyroidism, migraines, heart palpitations, carpal tunnel.  Allow those unresolved issues to break through the surface in dramatically terrifying ways adding Depression, Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to the mix.  

And then after several years of processing unresolved trauma, grief and anger mixed with the demands of becoming a mother for the first time and you have a wicked burn-out that you can only imagine.  Unless you are me, then you know exactly what I am talking about.  To me it is completely obvious that my body can no longer the extreme stress - that I have severe adrenal fatigue which is quite possible responsible for my body's inability to heal itself or manage itself.  Is it any wonder that my greatest fantasy in life right now is to escape for several weeks to just sleep?  The funny thing is that that could actually help a lot.

At the end of last year I was seriously considering going to an intensive therapy center to really dive into the process of healing head first.  I wasn't ready to leave my little girl and husband behind for that, though I desperately needed help.  Instead I met with my incredible Christian Therapist in NYC and we talked about options and decided to try something different.  Honestly, that was the purpose of my extended stay in Seattle over the holidays.  I felt that being at home with my mom and sisters as well as carving out time to meet one of the Pastors there would be very helpful.  But now I am feeling that as helpful and necessary as it was to do that, the end of my struggle is nowhere in sight.

The thing that has really changed in me this year is my heart - I am not giving up and I am willing to keep pressing through to do what needs to done.  I simply WILL NOT sit back and let another year go by feeling this way.  Spiritually I feel strong and I feel like I am full of fight but emotionally I am wishy washy and obviously physically I have no strength or endurance.  There is only one thing I can rely on and it is God.  So I have been seeking His counsel and direction with all of this.  In fact, part of why I am sharing all of this with you is because I need to write it all out -- for him, for accountability and hopefully as a way to look back six months from now and see how far He has brought me from this valley.

I took a few first steps over the last two weeks, scheduled an appointment with an allergist to address the possibility of an actual gluten allergy or sensitivity, as well as have been in contact with a Naturopath (first time I've ever gone that route, and feel good with that decision) to address my adrenal fatigue, and metabolic issues.  And lastly, I've been looking at intensive therapy again.  There are a lot of uncertainties right now, but there is one thing that I am certain of, and that is God's promise to be my help in this time.  And His help is what I need more than anything else right now.